Sheamus vs. Randy Orton
Ten seconds. That is how long it took for my interest in this pay-per-view to diminish significantly. It’s the proverbial kick in the crotch of show-opening matches. Randy is over big, because we are in his hometown, though as usual Sheamus invokes only apathy. What can this match offer that we haven’t seen from them dozens of times already? Even the best match I have seen between these two was boring. What is the issue between these two anyway? It’s one of the programmes where they supposedly dislike each other, but there is no reason as to why. They don’t like one another because they are booked in a feud, that’s it. “Now it’s at a pace Sheamus likes,” says Mackle. He means slow. After an age of mundane Sheamus offence, they have a lethargic slugfest that Randy gets the better of, then spill to the outside to carry on the fight. Randy dumps Sheamus on the announce table, which doesn’t break, and I’m glad. A table bump in the match would be silly. The pace ups a little as they both attempt to hit trademarks and finishers, which Sheamus comes out on top of with White Noise. Is that a finisher? It is hard to tell with Sheamus because he has half a dozen generic moves with unnecessary gimmicky names attached. Randy kicks out anyway. After some more uninspiring exchanges, Orton hits a superplex and his draping DDT, then whips the crowd into a frenzy hot-dogging to set up the RKO. He dicks around for so long that Sheamus nearly catches him with a roll up, then gets knocked silly with the Brogue Kick. For once, he hits it in the mush. Sheamus doesn’t cover, instead locking the Texas Cloverleaf to try and get the submission. Poor psychology. Orton fights the hold for a while before reaching the ropes, then connects with the RKO… outta nowhere for the win. Sheamus has the MITB briefcase remember, so of course it makes sense to beat him week in, week out. “What a match tonight,” reckons Cole. I thought it was shit. I mean, the action was fine if you had never seen a Sheamus-Orton match before. I have seen around a hundred, so it was more of the same, repetitive sequences I have seen them do countless times before. Tough one to rate really.
Final Rating: *1/2
“You are tiny, I feel like the Big Show,” says Stephanie to her interviewer Jo-Jo. You sort of look like him too! Steph gets herself over in St. Louis with cheap pops, even referencing Sam Muchnik’s Wrestling at the Chase. I wonder who fed her that line. After that she promises more from the women’s revolution, and reveals there will be a triple threat match between a member each of the respective gangs that she assigned on Raw. Hell, that means at least one Bella will be wrestling. What if they do Brie Bella vs. Tamina vs. Paige? Oh, the humanity.