King of the Ring ’95

Diesel & Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sid & Tatanka
When they knew Shawn wasn’t winning King of the Ring, why wasn’t he put in this match to save it from the horrible mediocrity that’s about to consume Philly? The true madness comes from the booking where this match was given 18-MINUTES. Who were they expecting to carry the work load on that? Diesel and Sid had a stinker the previous PPV while by contrast, Bigelow and Tatanka had a stinker at the previous PPV. Nobody gives a shit about this match, whatsoever. Diesel is confident he’ll still be over regardless of what these other assholes do so he kicks back and takes a night off. Bigelow, the only serviceable guy in there, got blamed for it and shunted down the card until leaving the company a few months later. And why? Because Shawn Michaels resented him stealing the spotlight at WrestleMania XI. Nothing makes sense here. The booking, the politics, the actual wrestling and this being a main event. The psychology comes from Diesel having an injured elbow so the heels work that a bit. Normally working heat on Diesel would be a stupid idea because he’s so big and can’t sell for shit so, erm, hang on. So that whole section of the match is a disaster. So they switch over to Bigelow, and Sid & Tatanka are such a good team to work heat because of their total lack of personality and moveset, erm, oh dear. Did I mention the total lack of continuity? They’re just two guys who wrestle badly. In a team you need to cover for each other’s weaknesses (like Road Dogg and Billy Gunn in the Outlaws). Sid and Tatanka have the exact same weaknesses so they’re screwed. Even the Bigelow & Tatanka team was way better than this because of Bigelow’s willingness to work hard. Tatanka only ever worked hard as a face and even then, only when he had someone who’d bump for him. And the match just grinds on with boring heat piling on boring heat. They could at least throw something interesting in there. But no, Sid is all rest holds and Tatanka is all kick/punch stuff. And rest holds. God, it’s painful. Keep in mind, this is right off the back of that shit heap King of the Ring final. It’s just terrible. Diesel is the only guy who does anything useful. He comes in, drops an elbow with his bad arm, sells the shit out of it and tags to Bigelow. In one sense it’s perfect because he’s spent so long on the apron that he’d forgotten about the injury and yet… he just stood on the apron for 10-minutes and then worked for 30-seconds and tagged out again. The lack of action kills this. The best action in the match is a friggin’ International. Then right after it, Tatanka back bumps an enzuigiri and makes me want to stab him. Seriously though; Diesel brings the best moments for me. He kicks Tatanka right square in the face with the big boot. He has Tatanka beat with the Jacknife but he demands Sid. I think Tatanka could have gotten his foot on the rope anyway. He was virtually under it. Sid walks out so Diesel just pins Tatanka instead. The match was a heap of shit under normal circumstances, but having it headline a PPV was shameful. Diesel was MVP, which shows how lazy everyone else was.
Final Rating: DUD
Hat Guy Rating: Oh, he’s buggered off.

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