Survivor Series ’99

Survivor Series Elimination Match
Val Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel & Steve Blackman vs. The British Bulldog & The Mean Street Posse
What on earth do any of Val’s team have in common? Well, Val and Henry are both lovers of the ladies of course, but they were fighting each other just last month on the UK-exclusive PPV Rebellion. Speaking of last month, the British Bulldog was mixing it up with the main eventers on that same show, but now he is reduced to teaming with the Mean Street Posse. The Posse are the drizzling shits in the ring, but their music is sensational. If this was two years ago then Bulldog would have been able to carry this to something worth seeing, but with the condition of his back now, there is no chance of that. JR mentions the last time Davey Boy was at Survivor Series and how it was something of a big deal, and indeed his last appearance for the company in that run. Jerry Lawler attempts his favourite trick of trying to get his co-announcer to say something they don’t want to say by asking why that show is of relevance, and JR calls his bluff and outlines the whole thing. Meanwhile in the ring, this match is already dragging. Pete Gas goes first thanks to Blackman, then Rodney comes in and embarrasses himself with a horrible elbow drop. “Let’s see what Gangrel can do with Rodney here” says JR. Nothing, JR, nothing. Joey Abs accidentally hits Rodney in the face when aiming for Gangrel, then Rodney eats the Impaler DDT and off he goes. 4-2 to the babyfaces then, and the crowd are apathetic to the max. Mark Henry comes in with Abs, who is actually a wrestler unlike the other two, but Henry barely is at this stage and their exchanges are bordering on disastrous. JR amuses himself by saying “Sexual Chocolate” in various different ways, and then Mark Henry splashes Abs to get rid of him. Bulldog is left alone and takes a really horrible looking bump from a Mark Henry splash, which looked painful for a regular guy, never mind someone with a recently seriously injured back. Bulldog then takes his own foolish bump when he hits Gangrel with a superplex, which eliminates him from the bout. Bulldog gets rid of Blackman soon after with a fisherman’s suplex, but he can’t fight the odds for long. After another minute or two of laboured exchanges, Henry hits his big slam and Venis connects with the Money Shot (“a penetrating move” – JR) for the win. It’s the exact same finish as in the opening elimination match! This was a real slog. It was almost the same length as the opener, but felt like twice as long. The Mean Street Posse had no business being involved in actual matches. They were fine as a nepotistic Shane McMahon hire to act as his protectors, but actually wrestling? No!
Final Rating: ¼*

 

“Oh, I’m sorry” says Michael Cole after walking into the girls locker room uninvited and catching an eyeful of Terri’s nubbins. You know Michael, you are supposed to knock and then WAIT, not knock and then just charge in like a wide-eyed pervert. The women show him some attention anyway, and hot chicks touching him freaks him out apparently, so he hightails it out of there.

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