Ted DiBiase vs. 1-2-3 Kid
This is a fun way to start. Kid holds a victory over DiBiase, having beaten him a few weeks ago thanks to a distraction from Razor Ramon. This is DiBiase’s last appearances as a wrestler on the show, and he is quick out of the blocks, desperate to get revenge for his humiliation. Razor calls in briefly to share his thoughts, but he has next to nothing to actually say. Kid spends a large part of the early going on the outside trying to catch a breather, as DiBiase dominates in the ring. Kid manages a few dropkicks and a messy headscissors/crossbody hybrid, but soon gets beaten back down. He finally gets some momentum, but IRS runs down and pushes him off the top rope for a DQ. Kid wins again! Money Inc. beat on Kid after the bell, but The Steiners come out to make the save. I thought they were supposed to be feuding with The Heavenly Bodies now and DiBiase with Razor? It was done to set up the free-to-air SummerSlam Spectacular event next week, but surely they should be hyping the money generating PPV ahead of that? Focus, WWF! That was not bad, but the structure was a bit odd and Kid spent too much time on the outside, which hurt the flow a little.
Final Rating: **¼
The Headshrinkers vs. Mike Khoury & Dave Moraldo
Dave Moraldo looks like a 70’s pornstar. Khoury only had a four year career, and did jobs for the stars in both the WWF and WCW. He actually formed a tag title winning team with fellow jobber Dan Dubiel, aka Johnny Handsome in a Mid-Atlantic independent. Man, the rest of their roster must have been the pits. Samu has been known to maul jobbers for our entertainment, and things start pleasingly with a nasty chop and savat kick. Moraldo sells it like John Cena, doing a full on “dead sell”. Samu has to roll him to his corner and bring Khoury in the hard way. The Headshrinkers double team Khoury, and Moraldo is still out cold, not having moved, some two minutes later! Commitment to the cause? Or he is actually knocked out? Even Vince sounds worried about him. Fatu hits the splash off the top on Khoury and that finishes things. Moraldo is still out as The Headshrinkers celebrate the win. Is he dead?
Final Rating: *½
Backstage, Bastion Booger is eating WWF branded ice cream to, erm, warm up, for his match with Marty Jannetty.
Bastion Booger vs. Marty Jannetty
This is something of a styles clash. Booger’s gimmick is of course that he is a fat slob, and he falls out of the ring early on, so Jannetty nails him with an axe handle off the apron and then a slingshot tope. Jannetty is looking casual here, like the match is an inconvenience to him. Booger is just the shits, and everything he does looks so sloppy. The WWF really ruined him with an awful gimmick, because Mike Shaw wasn’t this bad pre-WWF. Booger is still worlds better than Shaw’s brief stint as Friar Ferguson. That was one of the worst characters I have ever seen. Oh, this is over already. Booger sat down on Jannetty, but he switched it into a sunset flip and got the three. Why did they even bother doing this match? Evidently someone enjoyed it, because it turns up on Columbia House release Best of WWF Fan Favorites.
Final Rating: ¼*
Promo Time: Money Inc.
Haven’t we seen enough of IRS on this show already? One appearance is more than enough. This is not a Coliseum Video release! They don’t have much to say, and this is primarily used to hype their match with The Steiners in a cage match at the upcoming SummerSlam Spectacular TV special. A whole lot of hot air.
Men on a Mission vs. Iron Mike Sharpe & Barry Horowitz
“Whoa, where am I?” says Vince as the camera turns upside down during MOM’s entrance, presumably because the weight of Mabel caused a minor localised earthquake. Vince follows up with “I’m on Monday Night Raw! I know where I am!” It’s good to know he can keep track; he is a busy man! This is my first time covering MOM in this book, so lucky me. They are tonight being fed the “elite” jobber team, with the ridiculous Mike Sharpe bringing his usual loud selling, only he also does it from the apron when Horowitz gets a brief bit of offence in too. MOM dominate Sharpe, primarily due to Mabel’s fatness, and they win the match in short order. Not exactly one for the highlight reel.
Final Rating: ¼*
Who Is Lex Luger? – The never ending sit down interview continues and Luger says he has never had a drug problem. Give it a few years buddy. He then denies taking steroids now, but does admit to using them before they were illegal. What he actually means is: before the steroid trial forced all of the WWF guys to get off the juice. The message the WWF wants you to take from this is that Luger is a clean All-American hero, and a perfect replacement for the recently departed Hulk Hogan, whose reputation was tarnished. This is the best of these interviews by far, and it is actually rather interesting to hear Vince or one of his wrestlers mention steroids, something that is usually very high on the list of banned taboo subjects
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Rich Myers
Myers is another pornstar looking jobber, and he has a ridiculously long blond mullet. He also competed in the same jobber-collecting Indy group as Khoury and Dubiel. Bigelow kills him with a back suplex and then sends him careening halfway across the ring with a huge shoulder block. Bigelow is up there with The Steiners and Samu as a great jobber killer, though he spends rather too much time here jawing with the crowd while doing stomps. He makes up for it with a suplex which is just plain cruel, stalling Myers in the air and then just letting go. Myers landed on his ass. A vicious slam is followed by a diving headbutt, and that completes the demolition job. Poor Myers. He actually bumped around really well for Bigelow here and made him look vicious, even if some of it actually was, and he ended up working for the WWF on and off for four years.
Final Rating: *½
Randy Savage had been promising a surprise all night, and here it is: Macho Midget with the Raw girls. That is Gooker levels of letdown…
For the third week running I am forced to suffer a dreadful music video from the dire album the promotion put out, this time the SummerSlam Jam song. The lyrics in the chorus are indecipherable and still cause debate today with fans who think they say different things. Really though; who cares? It is a bad song, with an annoying catchy hook that sticks in your brain and eats away at it for the rest of the day.
THE RAW RECAP
Most Entertaining: Dave Moraldo. Someplace out there, he is still selling the effects of that Samu savat kick.
Least Entertaining: Bastion Booger. He just sucks.
Quote of the Night: “Coming up next is mom, not my mom, but Men on a Mission” – Randy Savage makes sure there is no doubt.
Match of the Night: Ted DiBiase vs. 1-2-3 Kid. Too short and generally a bit of a letdown, with DiBiase too old and broken to give the Bret/Shawn type treatment to Kid, but still the best match of the show.
Summary: Of the things promised at the end of last week’s show, only one of them was delivered, and that was MOM in a 2-minute squash. Where was the Gonzalez interview? Where was the Borga appearance? What happened to IRS being in action? (not that I am sorry for that not taking place). What we were left with was alright at times, but never ventured above ordinary, and the result is a pretty humdrum show. I am noticing a worrying pattern in August, with the shows getting slightly worse each week. That doesn’t bode well for what is to come.