Monday Night Raw (09/13/93)

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Arnold Furious: We’re in Manhattan, New York. Hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage and Bobby Heenan. Vince promises a history making Raw as the Quebecers challenge for the tag titles under “Quebec Rules”, which means a DQ or count out changes the belts and various moves are illegal. Not the Frankensteiner strangely enough.

 

Quebec Rules
WWF Tag Team Championship
The Steiner Brothers (c) vs. The Quebecers
The rules are somewhat slanted against the champs, which was a cheap way to get the belts off The Steiners. Sadly that’s the beginning of the end for The Steiners in the WWF. They have another nine months or so in the company, but not at the same level of push. Rick batters Jacques, with the former Mountie trying like hell to sell a clothesline over the top rope, which would have been a DQ and therefore a title change. Pierre tags in and gets mutilated by Scott. Pierre comes back with a clothesline off the middle rope, which is close to illegal. You’re not allowed top rope moves. The Quebecers seem game for taking a load of bumps. I love that Rick is too stupid to remember the rules and goes for a piledriver, with Scott getting enraged at his brother’s dim head-space. Both Quebecers are decent wrestlers but the match is based around The Steiners strengths, which means plenty of suplexes and hard hitting moves. Pierre obliges by giving Scotty a taste of his own medicine with a lariat across his jaw. Scott responds with a delayed belly-to-belly. Johnny Polo comes out to ringside as idiot Rick heads up top. Once again Scott reminds him that’s a DQ and Rick ends up getting laid out. Polo has a hockey stick and is clearly the new manager of The Quebecers. The Quebecers double team Scott ad nauseum but are allowed to because of Rick’s insistence on hopping in the ring. The Quebecers have done a fine job of using Rick’s idiocy against him. Scott takes a nasty bump into the ropes where his hand gets caught. The heat on Scott is fairly extensive until he gets a desperation DDT, which is apparently legal. Rick jumps in again though and Scott remains isolated. Rick runs in again and almost throws Pierre onto the fallen Scott. Hot tag follows although Scott remains in the ring, suddenly recovered. Frankensteiner! Heenan, like myself, figures that’s the same as a piledriver. Polo throws the hockey stick into the ring only for Scott to use it, get disqualified and lose the belts. And after all his barracking of Rick, it was Scott who lost the tag titles. Another good Steiners match from their WWF run. The Quebecers were probably the weakest choice of the major tag teams but they were ok. For all my criticisms of tag wrestling around 1993, the matches weren’t bad.
Time: 17:37
Final Rating: ***½

 

Mr. Perfect vs. Tony DeVito
Perfect gives DeVito the opening reverse shine where he lands a few punches. Then DeVito realises he pissed Mr. Perfect off and runs to the back, where Perfect has to retrieve him. And yet DeVito still gets a chunk of the match, hitting a dropkick. Perfect responds with one of his lowest ever dropkicks. New York has certainly changed its stripes and Superfan Vladimir leads the fans in a chant of “Perfect sucks” followed by “we want Shawn”. Damn, New York. Perfect knees DeVito in the head a bunch of times and finishes with the Perfectplex.
Time: 2:47
Final Rating: ¾*

 

Backstage: Ludvig Borga threatens to crush Lex Luger. Why did they ever push this guy? Did Vince think he’d hired Dolph Lundgren?

 

Razor Ramon vs. The Executioner
Just how many masked Executioners have there been in wrestling? This is either Duane Gill or Barry Hardy as they actually wrestled as The Executioners at the time. I also remember Buddy Rose working the gimmick way back at WrestleMania and Terry Gordy had the same gimmick when he worked in the WWF in 1996. Even further back in the 70s, John Studd and Killer Kowalski had a tag team with the Executioners name. There are probably more. It seemed like a recycled gimmick. Razor makes short work of Hardy or Gill, whichever it is; I think Hardy and gets in all his highspots along the way. He even sneaks in an abdominal stretch, just because it’s one of his moves, before finishing. Seeing as he doesn’t use the Razor’s Edge, he does that post match.
Time: 2:36
Final Rating: ½*

 

Promo Time: The Quebecers
Vince is on interview duty and Johnny Polo leads his new team out here. Why were they not called The Mounties? That’s what the entrance music says. I think the Royal Canadian Mounted Police objected to being portrayed as heels. Vince looks positively infuriated at having to speak to Johnny Polo. Rumour has it they didn’t see eye to eye. The Quebecers huddle to discuss a rematch and Polo pitches a singles match, which if the Steiners win they get a rematch. Shouldn’t they get a rematch as they were champions before? I guess Rick made another mistake and signed a no rematch contract. This whole thing felt like filler.

 

Video Control takes us to the Jerry Lewis telethon. All we get is Heenan making fun of Jerry Lewis, but that’s entertaining in of itself.

 

Doink the Clown vs. Rich Myers
Myers has gained a blond dye-job, which is a mistake. Jobbers should only change their look if they stop jobbing. Doink, who’s been one of the MVPs of 1993 Raws, dismantles the poor kid. This includes a glorious German suplex that folds Myers up like an accordion. Vince gets bored and takes a phone call from Crush, brah. He promises to return with “an intensity no one can match”. Which is technically true as nobody could look as lazy and unmotivated as Crush, brah. Doink continues to boss Myers and finishes with the Whoopie Cushion. Doink earns a few snowflakes with an array of excellent moves. Post match, Heenan baits Doink into throwing water over Vince McMahon. Vince’s reaction is priceless. The smile is genuine and nobody smiles like a genuine Vince McMahon smile. Heenan ends up getting soaked and bumbling around ringside. We hit the break and Doink comes back out with another bucket, this time confetti. Erm, not sure what the point of that was.
Time: 2:10
Final Rating: **

 

THE RAW RECAP

 

Most Entertaining: Doink, for freaking out Vince McMahon on TV.

 

Least Entertaining: Ludvig Borga. He didn’t even appear apart from in a backstage bit, but Borga was just horrible. To think they sacrificed Marty Jannetty to this guy.

 

Quote of the Night: “If the ref don’t catch you, that’s the universal rule” – Bobby Heenan explains where cheating figures into Quebec Rules.

 

Match of the Night: The Steiners vs. The Quebecers. Clearly the WWF were happy with the match as it made its way on Monday Night Raw Prime Cuts. Too bad they didn’t keep feuding The Steiners with The Heavenly Bodies and Quebecers and Headshrinkers, and kept throwing those combinations together. They rarely ever had poor matches with those guys.

 

Summary: It’s a decent show, made so by an opening match that took up nearly 20 of the 45-minutes. Everything else was jobber matches, but at least Doink made his fun. Amazing to think they had a guy like Doink who, despite a terrible gimmick, got crazy over, and then they let him go. I know Borne had issues outside of the ring, but to think just anyone could slip into the gimmick was a mistake.
Verdict: 41

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