Arnold Furious: We’re in Bushkill, Pennsylvania. Same taping as last week. Hosts are Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan. Randy Savage has been suspended from commentary duties after attacking Crush last week. Vince rather candidly reveals that Shawn Michaels has been reinstated and has taken Jerry Lawler’s spot at Survivor Series as the King has “legal troubles”. I’ll say!
Razor Ramon vs. Brooklyn Brawler
Brawler attacks ahead of the bell only for Razor to come firing back with his smashmouth offence. He’s IC champ but this is again non-title. Heenan claims the champion is still Shawn Michaels because he never lost the belt. Razor goes through his repertoire; bulldog, fallaway slam, but Brawler gets a second heat segment. He sets early for a backdrop though and the Razor’s Edge finishes.
Final Rating: ¾*
Video Control takes us to Crush who cuts a promo on Savage being a loser, brah.
The Headshrinkers vs. Mike Bucci & Mike Moraldo
Vince stops off to shill the Survivor Series Showdown at the weekend. The Headshrinkers always seem to enjoy killing jobbers but the ham and eggers run some comedy instead. Fatu takes exception and superkicks Moraldo. He looks like a stocky Sean Waltman and he’s dressed like a Transformer. I can’t really explain myself beyond that description. He looks like Jetfire. Samu is considerably less mean than usual. The Headshrinkers are clearly not being paid by the minute but by the squash, and finish with the Fatu Splash. Not only was that nowhere near as much fun as a normal Headshrinkers match, but they’ve added a layer of weirdness, with The Headshrinkers now seemingly obsessed with their opponents ring gear. Footwear especially.
Final Rating: ½*
Video Control takes us to Superstars and Lex Luger’s All Americans. Seeing as Tatanka is injured they replace him with The Undertaker. In the coming years such a happening would only take place on Raw, but the WWF used to spread out their big announcements to try and make all their shows worthwhile at the time.
Pierre Ouellet vs. Lex Luger
This was the match selected by the fans last week. The heels are happy as they want to take out Luger. Of course nobody buys that Pierre will do so and the WWF switched it up having Luger as the aggressor. The angle being that Pierre won’t make it so they can replace him with Crush, to give the Survivor Series main event some added star power. Johnny Polo tries to sucker Luger into an ambush on the floor, only for Pierre to get backdropped on the blue mats. Pierre gets some token offence in to try and convince the crowd that Luger could be in trouble. Nobody really bites on it and the crowd sits around awaiting a comeback. Luger comes firing back… with an armbar. Thrilling stuff, Lex. Polo trips Luger up, which the ref sees, and Well Dunn got DQ’ed for that two weeks back. Luger gets taken out on the floor this time around with the director insisting on shoving a camera into a position that only Lex Luger’s proctologist normally sees. More stifling heat follows. Pierre hooks a camel clutch, which Vince rather confusingly calls a Boston crab. Luger powers out of that so Pierre hits a piledriver. Pierre makes a mess of a leg jam, using the wrong leg for some ungodly reason. Luger sits up to avoid the cannonball, which makes you wonder why Pierre didn’t go for the cannonball before or whether he changed his mind in mid air or something. The heat just kills the crowd and Luger has to act as his own cheerleader to wake them up. Johnny Polo runs in but gets laid out and Pierre eats the metal forearm for the loss. Match was horrendously boring and they could have achieved the same results with a much shorter match. Not bad technically though. Pierre does a stretcher job to sell the forearm and misses Survivor Series because of it.
Final Rating: *¾
Diesel vs. Sid Garrison
Garrison looks like Jimmy Del Ray. Vince is impressed with Diesel’s size. Hmm, I wonder how Nash ended up as WWF champion for a year? Garrison tries for an arm ringer and that gets him nowhere. Diesel was pretty green at the time so his pacing isn’t up to much. He has a few moves that he can hit and sticks to them, something that would remain true for the majority of his career. Diesel finishes with a big boot, which looks cool and an elbow drop, which doesn’t.
Final Rating: ½*
Video Control takes us to Nashville so we can see Jeff Jarrett berating his band. Now he’ll have to play all the instruments as well as singing, including the “piana” and the “geetar”. We head back over to Vince at ringside who shills the Survivor Series Showdown next week and indeed Survivor Series itself.
THE RAW RECAP
Most Entertaining: Razor Ramon. He had a hot opener with the Brawler.
Least Entertaining: Diesel. The only difference between this Diesel and the one that was WWF champion was the attitude. He just wasn’t confident at this point in his career. It didn’t make his matches entertaining.
Quote of the Night: “If anyone’s dressed like a barber’s pole you can choke him as much as you want” – Bobby Heenan reveals one of the lesser known of the New York rules.
Match of the Night: Lex Luger vs. Pierre Ouellet.
Summary: The big angle was Luger putting Pierre out of Survivor Series, which was a perfectly acceptable idea but the execution wasn’t much fun. Everything else is jobber matches (I’m starting to lose count of how many times I’ve typed that, or thought it) and only Razor had any fun. Bit of a yawner this week.