Bobby Heenan vs. Big Bossman
We reviewed this match in full on the Mega Matches tape. It doesn’t deserve any more attention.
Final Rating: DUD
Not a promising start. Why put the same match on two different tapes released around the same time, especially when it is such a complete non-event? Next, Mike McGuirk announces “someone new to the World Wrestling Federation” and, oh my, it’s the Gobbledygooker! I thought this nonsense ended at Survivor Series! I know it has been said a thousand times before, but what WERE they thinking with this gimmick? For those who are blissfully unaware, it is basically an athletic guy (Hector Guerrero) in a cartoonish turkey suit. Gooker dances with McGuirk and does a few cartwheels and handstands as his Irish jingle music plays, and this is very surreal. The fans are clapping along! They would cheer any old shite in the 90s. After doing some dancing, Gooker tries to make friends at ringside, without much success, then he disappears backstage. Ok, so the point of that was!? We then cut to Howard Finkel introducing the “newest member of the WWF family”. And once again, it is the Gobbledygooker. ONCE AGAIN IT IS THE GOBBLEDYGOOKER! Please just kill me NOW. The same awful upbeat music blares away and the oversized golf ball eyed chicken does a dance with The Fink. What is funny about this? This is not wrestling; this is what wrestling hell looks like.
Rhythm & Blues vs. The Bushwhackers
SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD. The Bushwhackers! The match these teams had on the Mega Matches tape was atrocious, I didn’t ever want to sit through another one. This is actually from six months prior to that, coming from MSG in April 1990. Frankly, I wouldn’t give a shit if it had took place on the moon, I still wouldn’t want to see it. The Bushwhackers are the all-time worst thing ever in the WWF, and that includes the Gooker. They can’t work, they can’t sell and they can’t bump. Their go-to move is biting. I’m glad this New York crowd doesn’t give a shit about them. The ’Whackers just stand there gyrating like loons while using their ineffectual and pointless offense to little effect. R&B deserved much better than an extended programme with the Bushwhackers. This is beyond abysmal. Oh look, the little pricks have added a new move to their previously all-biting repertoire: the eye poke. So, explain to me why the ref has allowed that? Explain to me too why Valentine is taking and selling all of their awful moves, and getting nothing in himself. This has been ALL Bushwhackers. I guess it’s because they can’t sell so they just don’t take heat. The commentators are bored, and ignore the match completely, instead talking about how Honky’s claims of being the greatest IC champion pissed off Pat Patterson, Rick Rude and Randy Savage. Then they discuss at length how stupid Greg Valentine is. After it all breaks down, Valentine and Honky are sent into each other and Honky falls out of the ring, so Luke chases him with a chair. So a count out to start, swell. After all of that nonsense, they don’t even do a finish. Far too long and some of the worst in-ring stuff you will see. Just as bad as all the other matches these teams had together.
Match Rating: DUD
Now, the Playboy Buddy Rose “Blow Away Diet”. We get highlights of the diet, which was basically a gentle jibe at TV infomercials selling “miracle” items. The gimmick was, Rose would eat what he wanted, then cover himself in “Blow Away powder”, switch on a fan, and the weight would blow right off. It was typical of the WWF to exploit someone’s real life problems and make it into an angle. Rose actually passed away in 2009, due in large part to problems relating to his long-term battle with his weight.
Buddy Rose vs. Mario Mancini
Rose takes offense to being announced at 317lbs, and proves it wrong with his scales. He claims to weigh 217lbs. Hayes politely calls Rose a “porker” as the crowd chants fat boy. Way to send a positive message to the kids! Mooney says that there are kids in the arena who shouldn’t have to bear this. God forbid they see a fat guy huh? Best get Justice Duggan out here to add fat-boy beating to his usual xenophobic act. Hell, I am surprised they didn’t. Mooney and Hayes are having a great time mocking Rose, calling him a hippo and talking about how Mancini will need to visit the chiropractor after slamming him. I don’t believe in being overly sensitive or politically correct about everything, but the open mocking and vilifying of the man for being fat alone, just feels wrong. Mancini goes for a sunset flip but he can’t take Rose over, and the Playboy sits on him, resuming control. This has actually gone quite a long time and Rose is bumping around a lot for Mancini, but Rose was good in the ring. He was smooth and could move and bump well for his size. He eventually wins with a side slam, ending what was quite a competitive match. Maybe he gave his opponents too much, and that stopped him from getting as over as he could have. It is a shame he never did the gimmick on a PPV event. There was nothing wrong with that match, it was technically sound. It actually felt more like a match from WCW TV of that era than WWF though.
Final Rating: *¼
The Brother Love Show
Roddy Piper hijacks the show, and we see highlights of Rick Rude attacking him with mouthwash (yes, honestly) last time he was on The Brother Love Show. Piper has a big piece of rope, and he reveals Brother Love bound and gagged, wearing just his underwear. The Brother Love Show is frequently the catalyst for some very obviously repressed feelings bubbling to the surface. I have seen Hogan act very dirty towards Love and Slick, Warrior being overly intimate with a young fan and now this! Whoever booked these segments was clearly trying to tell the world something. Piper allows Love to escape and then promises that Rude will have to “pay the piper”.
Mene Gene arrives “down under” for YET ANOTHER Coliseum exclusive with the Bushwhackers. Of course he does! Why wouldn’t he!? One of the little talentless morons says the only thing he remembers about a match was how good his partner tasted that day… What is that supposed to mean!? What is the point of ANY of this. Oh my god, they are taking us to another Bushwhackers match… Only they don’t go to the match, instead we just get the Funniest Moments title card and go back to the BBQ. I am delighted we don’t have to suffer them wrestle again, but wow, have you ever seen a more amateur production from the WWF than this? This is of course from Supertape, but why not just cut out the bit with Mene Gene cutting to the next match? Or better still, erase this segment from history altogether! The same thing happens when Mene Gene talks about their match with the Powers of Pain, and again we cut back to the BBQ, skipping the match. It’s absolutely bush-league. Mene Gene has had too much BBQ and apparently it has made him retarded, because he starts stuffing his face and dressing like a Bushwhacker. Whoever penned that segment should die.
The Brother Love Show
Oh my god, we have just escaped this red faced moron. This is now the second segment I have seen with the Ultimate Warrior on the Brother Love show. The first one was surreal and bad enough, why put us through it again!? This is from just prior to WrestleMania VII, and the purpose of it is to hype the Warrior-Savage match. Warrior says he is going to end Macho Man’s career, but he isn’t going to wait until WrestleMania, he is going to start ending and destroying careers right now. The joke there rather just writes itself doesn’t it? Warrior turns to vandalism, trashing the set of the show and nearly killing Love as he pulls over a light. Then he attacks him. Why is he doing this? This is completely unprovoked and unnecessary. He is just beating the tar out of him here. I mean, I hate the Brother Love character, but there is no logic or justification to this at all. Piper and Vince on commentary are absolutely thrilled, and cheer Warrior on. Love gets stretchered out and Vince calls him a has-been. He tells the fans not to have pity and says so long Brother Love. Everyone in the WWF was a bit of a dick weren’t they?
Summary: Ok, where was the wrestling? There are three matches on here, and the best is an extended squash featuring a jobber and a guy who never got over past the prelims in the WWF. There is a raft of pointless, excruciating and unbearable segments and way too much of the Bushwhackers too. Well, thirty seconds is too much of them, but they ate up a large chunk of this tape. And the production of the whole thing? Just shocking. Why show two back-to-back segments of the Gobbledygooker dancing around? That lazy editing during the Mene Gene/Bushwhackers thing was awful as well, even if it did spare us from having to watch more Bushwhackers matches. Hands down, the worst WWF release I have ever seen. Avoid this like the plague. I know some people like bad wrestling and thrive on it, but even they should stay the hell away from this colossally pointless waste of time.