SummerSlam ’95

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Arnold Furious: We’re in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for the hottest show of the summer. I think the WWF realised the card for this one might suck and switched out Shawn-Sid for Shawn-Razor in a ladder rematch late in the game, just to give the workrate fans and the spot fans something to get excited about. The rest of the card leaves a lot to be desired. Mabel takes his shot at WWF champion Diesel in the main event. Vince McMahon was considering switching the title here too until the Kliq got their way. I assume the discussion went like this:

Mabel wins WWF title.

???

Profit!

Even the sure-fire, go-to stars were lumbered with horrible matches. Bret is stuck with Isaac Yankem, the wrestling dentist, which is Kane pre-mask and pre-talent. Alundra Blayze’s run of exciting matches against Bull Nakano ends with new challenger Bertha Faye. Vince can at least get his “fatty” jollies from booking the women’s title on a plump lump. Taker wrestles Kama… again. In a casket match… again. The matches I’m most looking forward to are Triple H’s debut against Bob Holly and Skip vs. Barry Horowitz, as that had the best storyline attached to it. Sad state of affairs, really. Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler. Dean Douglas will be providing analysis. That’s Shane Douglas, wasted in his home town, with a professor (or something) gimmick.

King of the Ring ’95

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Arnold Furious: Before we get started do yourself a favour and NEVER watch this tape. Ever. Hosts are Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrix. You’d think they’d learn from the catastrophe they created at IYH, but switching commentary would stop King of the Ring ’95 from being one of the worst shows, ever. So we’ll stick with them. Keeping in mind this show is in Philadelphia. You seriously don’t want to run a terrible show in Philly because those m*th*rf*ck*rs are unrelenting. To put it into perspective; John Bailey aka Hat Guy from ECW is in the front row. He hates everything.

 

(Editors note: not all comments made by Hat Guy in this review were actually made by Hat Guy, just to make that absolutely clear. But he does shout at all the heels like a champ.)