#WWE55901 – Divas – South Of The Border

 

Arnold Furious: Normally these Diva releases get allocated out by James Dixon regardless of whether we want them or not, and yet merely two weeks away from our writing deadline for this volume, there sat Divas – South of the Border mysteriously unclaimed. Seeing as no one else seemed game I thought I’d man up and tackle it. How bad can it be? It’s only an hour long. But wait, what’s this? There are two hours of bonus matches too!? WWE are just spoiling me here.

 

If you’ve seen one of these Diva DVDs, you’ve seen them all. Sure the girls change, but it’s basically just female wrestlers in bikinis somewhere hot. A shameless tie-in/cash-in for the bikini edition of WWE Magazine. Jonathan Coachman presents it from the studio, and he’s about as irritating as you’d imagine.

 

Lita has an actual tie to the locale because they’re in Mexico where she used to wrestle, although she quickly points out that she’s more used to a dirty city like Mexico City rather than a beach resort. She brings up her neck injury and how she missed the last two Diva shoots because of it. I wish she spoke more about lucha-libre, but instead it’s all about posing and wanting to be the Divas picked to be on the magazine cover (spoiler: it’s Torrie Wilson). So, nothing of note here.

 

– Any chance of getting anything useful out of Jackie Gayda goes straight out of the window when she immediately launches into talking about the photos. After a few seconds it’s just white noise. She has nothing interesting to say. There is one idiotic moment that stands out, which is her talking about having a “genuine laugh” when buying a sombrero. Just the one genuine chuckle while on holiday in Mexico under the guise of “work” then, love? You must be a barrel of laughs.

 

Ivory at least seems to enjoy herself, talking about Mayan heritage, Mexican culture, and the local wildlife. Ivory always seems like a fun person to be around but I bet she’d be exhausting too. She describes the constant comments about photo shoots making her sick, which segues right into a shot of her on their final day where she looks thrilled to be done with it. Wrestling!

 

Victoria amuses me by standing off camera shaking her head while Trish, who she was feuding with, gets photographed. Stacy Keibler tells her to stop being so serious. The various comments about posing and photography are now getting mind-numbingly dull.

 

Trish Stratus takes a slightly different tack, as she’s been at a million photo shoots by this point and prefers to talk about the camaraderie between the girls. When she does get around to talking about the posing being more relaxed because Mexico is more relaxed, even that makes sense because she’s such a pro. Certain people can just draw other people to them and Trish is so outstanding at this you can see why she became such a big star. If she wasn’t a wrestler she’d have been a star at something else.

 

– This isn’t really Nidia’s strength but she says she feels more comfortable this year than she did in the past. In every single shot of her she’s goofing around, including a shot of her dancing on the plane. Every time I see Nidia I wonder why WWE decided to let her go. She had an infectious personality. Maybe the boys in the office didn’t like her body or the whole trailer park deal. For me, she always came across as quite genuine, so it’s nice to see the real her being exactly the same.

 

Jacqueline has a really slow, laid back speech pattern when she’s not cutting promos. It gently washes over me like the waves of the ocean on the Mexican beach. It’s a pity she doesn’t have much to say.

 

– Conversely, Sable thinks she has a lot to say, as the group veteran, but she really doesn’t. When the Divas are in a group you can see her trying like hell to not act naturally, as that’ll make her look older. She’s hitting this serious pose and everyone else is having fun. She must have been a nightmare to work with. She’s also very aware of where the cameras are. The one thing she does say that I agree with is that you need to be confident to survive in WWE. Although her confidence far too often extends a little toward arrogance.

 

Gail Kim talks about her inexperience in terms of posing, because she’s a wrestler first and foremost, but she’s a natural at just looking good by doing nothing. “I’m not good at smiling, I feel fake.” I suddenly love Gail Kim and, at the same time, realise why her WWE career was cut short. Gail is also the only one who doesn’t seem to care about the cover, which has been mentioned repeatedly by everyone else. I came out of this short chat with her a much bigger fan.

 

– Like Ivory, Molly Holly is really into Mexico as a place, so she went off the beaten track to check out the local people. She puts over Ivory for keeping her amused during an otherwise grating photo shoot. She also puts over WWE for not making this photo shoot so structured, encouraging individuality and more down time. Which doesn’t sound like typical WWE at all.

 

– To the surprise of no one, Stacy Keibler prefers the beach. I don’t get the beach; it’s where dirt meets water (thank you, Bill Hicks). Like Lita and Ivory, she is excited about getting the chance to see wildlife at Parque Xcaret. Stacy seems nice enough, but the talk about swimsuits and posing is more of the same repetitive tedium.

 

Dawn Marie has a weird opinion about being “nearly naked” in public. Somehow she gets more nervous about it away from wrestling, because that’s a stage. At this point the whole DVD is grinding at me. It’s all the same thing, over and over again.

 

Jazz blames a knee injury for her poor showing in last year’s shoot, as she couldn’t work out to get in shape for it. The military bikini she is wearing really suits her. “What you see is what you get. That’s what I am”. She’s pleased to get a break from work, but still feels the urge to talk about the business. That is why I like her, because she’s a wrestler. “It’s good to be different”. How does that line go? You laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same.

 

– Wait, we are not finished yet!? How many Divas did WWE employ for this shoot? Like all of the other Divas have, Torrie Wilson buries the shoot in the desert from last year. I get the feeling they really hated Desert Heat? Anyway, she talks about swimsuits and photographers, and it’s boring.

 

Before we go out we get Sable and Torrie Wilson singing ‘Copacabana’, a song they DON’T KNOW THE WORDS TO. You have no idea how annoying this is to me.

 

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#WWE57003 – John Cena – Word Life

 

James Dixon: Ghetto John Cena welcomes us to West Newbury, MA, where it all started for him. We skip the customary family talk in exchange for a handful of photos, and move straight onto his wrestling and rapping. The way he talks comes across like a parody of bad rapping, akin to something you might see in the Scary Movie films.

 

We start with Cena’s Halloween promo on SmackDown!, which essentially saved his career, then he talks smack about Brock Lesnar. “I showed Brock Lesnar a thing or two about a thing or two.” He plays PS2 with his cousin Marc ‘The Trademarc’ Predka, one of the co-conspirators on his aural menace of a rap album ‘My Time is Now’. We go to the Cena-Lesnar program, which is basically Cena dissing his muscled foe via the medium of rap. A crack about Lesnar’s back tattoo being a portrait of his mother amuses. Dr. Vanilla Cena T gets his knee smashed by Lesnar in an unseen angle, which prompts a response from the inside of a trailer. White trash! Cena implies that he wants to f*ck Brock up the ass, referring to them as inmates and warning him not to drop the soap. I knew it. That relationship with Nikki Bella is just a sham, isn’t it? No one of sound mind could put up with her for that long in real life. We get a lot of promos for this match. A lot. Cena is actually quite funny, and goes close to the edge with some of them. “I’m a Viagra triple shot, you’re just a Limp Bizkit.” Burn. No highlights of the match, because it sucked and Cena lost. It is available on the extras though.

 

Cena is off to record a new song (or rather, “song”) for WrestleMania XX, but first we visit his feud with The Undertaker, and Cena outs him as a homosexual. In 2003, that was still considered a crime in WWE’s world. Cena reckons Taker and Paul Bearer had a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ going on, and that Taker only attended funerals so he could hit on priests. Crikey. Next, Cena does a promo from inside a flaming pentagram, then another sat on a hog, telling Taker he will leave him in a wheelchair like Stephen Hawking, before labelling him a “fairy” for his open-assed leather chaps. He wouldn’t get away with any of this in the PG Era.

 

We meet DJ Chaos, whoever the f*ck he is. Apparently he had something to do with the WrestleMania XX hip-top track. We go back in time to WrestleMania XIX and Cena’s silly open challenge inviting any rapper to fight him… on the pre-show. He buries Jay Z for not showing up, and, as has been the theme of the disc, rags on him for enjoying man-love. We get the whole thing, including the line, “If they lived at the sperm bank, they couldn’t get their comeback”. He also gets in a dig at the XFL, which gets a big “ooohh” from the Seattle faithful. Good promo actually, even if it was ultimately a waste of time that furthered nothing.

 

Now, some “battle raps” from SmackDown!, first pitting Cena against Rikishi. Cena raps off the cuff in a black fluffy hat, and he doesn’t make any homophobic slurs. Personal growth! Rikishi goes for the obvious, calling Cena an Eminem wannabe who dresses worse than Vanilla Ice. He isn’t funny, but he does rhyme. Does that give him the win? How do battle raps work? I am obviously not street enough for this disc.

 

Post defeat to Brock Lesnar at Backlash, Cena raps his defence for losing, blaming the referee. That brings out the wonderful Brian Kendrick, who does a delightful impression of Cena. He refers to himself as “Spanky”, his RoH and Indy name, which draws lots of forced laughing from Michael Cole and Tazz. It seems Spanky has come up with a rap, and he needs a beat. John Cena forces referee Brian Hebner to give him one, mockingly, and it turns out he is great at it! Spanky’s rap is a riot too, and the crowd are totally into it. Cena gets hot, even more so when Spanky starts an, “I say Cena, you say… sucks” chant. Maybe this is where the “Cena sucks” stuff began. (Note: It isn’t). Eventually, Cena gets fed up and beats the piss out of Kendrick, ending a really entertaining segment. Honestly, it was. Funaki is next to battle Cena. EminJohn has some choice words for Michael Cole, who he accuses of loving boy bands. Funaki decides to respond, singing ‘U.G.L.Y’ at him and doing the robot dance. Cena floors him. Kurt Angle comes next, during a rare babyface run, and he looks absolutely furious to be out there. He is a wrestler, not a rapper. He opts against rapping, and instead tells a story. It’s a doozy:

 

“There once was a kid who talked a lot of smack / He’s actually whiter than me, but he thinks he is black / And the kid thinks he is the king of talking smack / Until one day he bumped heads with the king of kicking ass / He had a secret weapon, he liked to use a steel chain / I’ll shove it straight up your ass if you try to use it again / He can’t run, he can’t hide, it doesn’t even matter if he’s rapping / Because at No Mercy when I get my hands on him, his ass will be tapping”

 

And now Big Show – ever the fan of goofy comedy, dressing up like a dork, and desperately trying to be anything but a lumbering giant oaf – wants a turn with Cena. Bless him, he even dresses up in his best streets. As expected, his delivery is drawling and dumb, except for a line about Cena being a white girl and him being Kobe Bryant. You know, that was the exact comment this hypocritical company fired poor Abraham Washington for in 2012. Gotta love those double standards. If only Big Show had been fired back in 2003, what a nicer place wrestling would have been. Show is an easy target for Cena. He calls him fat, says he smells, and makes “yo momma” jokes. I guess that is all he needed to beat Show in a battle rap. Hell, I could beat Big Show in a battle rap.

 

Because Cena was getting over, the McMahons had to get their grubby hands on him, starting with Stephanie and her ugly straw hair. She looked horrific in 2003, like she had been dragged through a bush backwards. Cena talks about her match with Sable, and because Steph is obviously the object of every man’s affections, Cena has to claim to have had a dream about her, then gets all worked up in front of her. After telling Steph he wants to find out if the carpet matches the curtains, then offering her $20 to rip Sable’s top off in their PPV match because he has a nipple fetish, Cena asks via rap and crowd participation if he can smack her ass. Steph blushes, and smiles. Loving the attention, she asks him if he wants to put his money where his mouth is. “HELL YEAH!” he yelps, bouncing on the spot. Steph dares him to smack her ass, then turns around and bends over. What am I watching here!? Cena smacks her ass, and she loves it. This is one of the weirdest segments I have ever seen. A few months later, a few days after Survivor Series 2003, Cena is in the ring with a battered and bloodied Vince McMahon, and his sidekick Sable. Or “the slut”, as Cena calls her. Vince’s face during Cena’s ripping on him is a picture. I am not sure he understands half of what Cena is saying, but he sells it well anyway. Cena is great here, and few over the years have been allowed to shred Vince McMahon to his face in such a manner. You can see why he got over to the level he did. He was so fresh and interesting that it made him stand out a mile.

 

A few more random raps from Cena, with the timeline now all over the place. The first is aimed at Rhyno, and it is one of his weaker efforts. Another sees him call Billy Gunn out for being, you guessed it, gay. I mean, come on John, that is too easy. The guy was in a gay (for a while, until they got cold feet) tag team with Chuck Palumbo for ages before ditching he gimmick and going back to the well with his played out ‘Bad Ass’ Billy Gunn persona. Next, Zach Gowen, the one legged wrestler who weighed about 50lbs. “Whether you like it or not homie, you feeling hip-hop”. Very good. At Thanksgiving in 2003, Cena says grace. It is, erm, unconventional. Lots of jokes about tossing Torrie Wilson’s salad, and crude innuendos about breasts, legs, and bones. It’s funny though. His line about “white sprinkles on your chocolate mousse” to Shaniqua is not exactly dinner table talk though. Cena calls his Christmas 2003 rap in Iraq the best moment in his career. The army folk certainly enjoy it, especially when Cena mocks Saddam Hussein, the French army, and the Big Show. Yep, those three subjects seem to be fitting bedfellows.

 

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#WWE55895 – The Stone Cold Truth

 

Justin Henry: This is a release of a biography that previously aired in November 2003 on UPN, SmackDown!‘s home for its first seven years. It is highlighted by Steve Austin‘s candid thoughts toward his wrestling career, which had ended by this point. UPN attempted a similar production the following year with Eddie Guerrero‘s Cheating Death, Stealing Life, which was also bundled onto a DVD release, which you can read all about elsewhere in this book. Then UPN split in half in 2006, itself proving unable to cheat death.

 

First up on the release, Austin reflects on that final match at WrestleMania XIX with The Rock, admitting he knew going in that it would be his swansong. Also detailed is the panic attack Austin endured the day before WrestleMania, in which he wound up briefly hospitalized for the fear that he may have been suffering from an embolism. Austin admits he was worried about having an awful match, since he really hadn’t worked a match since the previous June, simplistic brawls with Eric Bischoff at the start of the year aside.

 

We get a Limp Bizkit video (who, as Tony Chimel once told us, are WWE’s favourite band), leading into a look at Austin’s childhood life in rural Edna, Texas, and stories from his mom and brothers. Among the quaint tales is Mama Austin describing how young Stone Cold’s kindergarten teacher believed little Steve had the most “Go to Hell” attitude of any child she had ever taught, and the revelation that he had a lisp. It’s hard to imagine Austin having a lisp as a child, but maybe that’s where his steely-eyed angst was borne from.

 

From there, it’s a look at Austin’s early wrestling life, beginning with the Dallas region, where he and his drinking buddies would kick back and take in the exploits of The Freebirds and the Von Erichs. Naturally, the parents didn’t think the idea of their son becoming a wrestler held much promise, but I’m sure once Austin bought them each a gold car, they probably changed their minds. Mick Foley claims to have seen greatness in Austin during a training session with Chris Adams. Austin reveals his first payment as a working wrestler was for $40, and that he’d live off of potatoes between payoffs. From there, it’s a very brief look at his WCW run, mostly confined to the Hollywood Blondes period. Austin claims that once the team was split, Dusty Rhodes told him the big push was coming, which Austin calls BS on. Odds of any sort of disparaging word toward Dusty making it onto any WWE release post-2015: 1,547,893 to 1.

 

Interspersed with the wrestling content are bits of Austin at home, which are more for the non-wrestling audience tuning in. These brief asides include showing off his truck and dog, his family making fun of his lackluster singing abilities, and candid thoughts on his divorces. Most notable from this is Austin lamenting not getting to speak to his daughter, Stephanie, as often as he’d like to, due to her moving back to England with her mother, the former Lady Blossom.

 

Into the ECW stay, where Austin ran down Eric Bischoff in a handful of hilarious bits. Foley notes Austin’s bitterness over his firing from WCW, while Bischoff claims that Austin didn’t hit the zeitgeist in WCW. Maybe he needed a ticker-tape parade through Disney to get over? That segues into becoming The Ringmaster in the WWF, and talk about nearly killing the golden goose before it could lay its first egg. Austin notes that serial killer “Iceman” Richard Kuklinski provided the basis for the sort of villain he’d wanted to play, and we get the famous story of the awful names the WWF came up with (such as Ice Dagger) before Lady Blossom stumbled onto the ‘Stone Cold’ name for Steve. Well, Eu-friggin-reka.

 

After a music video with various highlights of Austin’s career, it’s onto the Owen Hart incident at SummerSlam ‘97, where Austin had his neck broken on a sitout piledriver gone wrong. Austin notes that things remained chilly with Owen after the incident, and they were professional, but hardly friends any more. To put a happy spin on it, we get Austin toasting Owen at Owen’s memorial show the night after his tragic death. I realize that in death, Owen had become Teflon, so Austin admitting an un-mended fence with him may come off as bad to some naive viewers, but it does reek of damage control that the toast was wedged in there.

 

From here, it kind of limps to the end, as Austin discusses his shaved head, and it’s tacked off with a bit on Survivor Series 2003, which only took place a week and a half before the special was broadcast on UPN. Austin was supposed to leave “forever” after his team was defeated by Eric Bischoff’s mercenaries, but well, what are exits in wrestling but temporary?

 

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#WWE55893 – The Monday Night War

Lee Maughan: Eric Bischoff wins the award for the first bit of bullshit, insinuating that Nitro stole RAW’s audience, which was never really the case. The theory at the time was more along the lines that there was a single “wrestling audience” and that was it, but what the birth of Nitro proved was that there was actually separate WCW and WWF audiences, at least at a core level, and all the war did was cultivate a larger casual audience of “floaters” who switched back and forth between both shows. Gerald Brisco is a touch more melodramatic, claiming the whole period “was life and death”, which would sound hilariously overblown if it wasn’t so depressingly true, particularly in the case of Owen Hart, whose accidental death was the indirect result of a rib on Sting’s famous zipwire entrances.

 

Gene Okerlund gives a potted history of “the early days” of cable television, which he pinpoints as being “around 1983” (embryonic cable first became available in the United States in 1948, with the first basic cable network, WTCG, being launched by Ted Turner in 1976), and credits Vince McMahon with building the first network of syndicated wrestling broadcasts that made use of the medium. In reality, Jim Barnett got there first with Georgia Championship Wrestling on Turner’s rebranded WTBS. Vince in turn makes the somewhat misleading statement, “I sold what was to become WCW to Jim Crockett Promotions out of North Carolina.” In actuality, Turner had rebuffed McMahon’s offer to buy GCW’s Saturday night timeslot on TBS, so McMahon opted to hit GCW at source and buy out key shareholders Barnett and the Brisco Brothers, Jack and Gerry. That left McMahon and Ole Anderson as GCW co-owners, but with Anderson seeing the writing on the wall, he broke away to begin his own Championship Wrestling from Georgia group, leaving majority stakeholder McMahon free to rebrand GCW’s World Championship Wrestling show with matches from his own World Wrestling Federation television tapings. Dubbed “Black Saturday” by long-time fans, McMahon’s pre-taped arena bouts featuring sluggers like Jesse Ventura, ‘Big’ John Studd and Bobo Brazil were not as warmly received as the studio-based antics of Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes and pals, resulting in a ratings disaster right from the off as fans tuned out in droves. McMahon eventually sold the rights to the timeslot to Jim Crockett, Jr. after Turner added both Anderson’s new group and Bill Watts’ Mid-South Wrestling to his network rotation, with Jim Crockett Promotions taking over the World Championship Wrestling slot on Saturday evenings. That McMahon never promoted a card under the GCW banner, and that Crockett’s show was essentially just a continuation of the JCP group founded by his father Jim Crockett, Sr. in 1931, is proof enough to most knowledgeable wrestling historians that McMahon simply owned the timeslot rather than the promotion that eventually morphed into WCW. This becomes even more apparent when one considers that WCW’s title history (in particular that of the United States Championship) belonged to the same lineage of champions promoted by JCP. (Ironically, WWE would later claim that its own United States Title, first won by Eddie Guerrero in July 2003, was a continuation of the legacy that began with Harley Race’s reign as JCP’s Mid-Atlantic version of the U.S. Champion, which is another debatable issue given that WWE does now own the rights to WCW and its associated histories).

 

Thankfully, Jim Cornette makes an unexpected appearance as a talking head to offer up some actually accurate history, detailing JCP’s incredible fall from grace as they sold out the Richmond Coliseum in Richmond, Virginia to the tune of 10,000 fans, sold up to Turner Broadcasting one month later, and were averaging 400 fans for live events anywhere in the country just a couple of years after that. Not mentioned is that the Crockett organisation was haemorrhaging money and on the verge of bankruptcy before Turner, a fan of having wrestling on his networks due to its success in helping launch his aforementioned WTBS station, swooped in and saved it from going out of business, although Cornette’s point about how badly it was handled after the sale still stands.

 

The Jim Herd, Kip Allen Frey and Bill Watts eras of WCW are all brushed over, as go-getting young coffee boy and third-string announcer Bischoff impresses all the right people and is unexpectedly promoted to Executive Vice President, resulting in Jim Ross leaving behind three years of guaranteed money with the promotion in favour of a job with the WWF. Not mentioned is that Bischoff was desperate to remove the “Southern stink” of the promotion and rebrand it as a national organisation, subsequently opting to remove Oklahoma native Ross from the broadcast booth, effectively leaving him in limbo. Had Ross not seen the writing on the wall and made the jump, he may have been left out to pasture, forgotten, never to call another wrestling match in his life. Significantly, Ross would end up heading the WWF’s Talent Relations department, from where he would advocate the signings of Mick Foley, The Rock, Edge, Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, John Cena, Randy Orton and Batista, amongst others, names who variously played significant roles in the turnaround of the promotion at the tail end of the 90s and its continued success throughout the first decade of the 2000s.

 

Bruce Prichard details the theory behind moving out of the big, bright arenas where the WWF taped matches for Superstars and Wrestling Challenge, and into the smaller, wilder, more intimate Manhattan Center to give their new show, Monday Night RAW, a completely different vibe. Okerlund dismissively calls the venue a “toilet”, but it certainly had a different look and feel to it than the big budget productions of the WWF’s other televised presentations. Over in WCW, Bischoff opted to go the opposite direction and move their TV tapings out of their dank, sparsely-attended arenas and into Disney MGM Studios as a means to cut costs whilst simultaneously boosting production values. Not mentioned is that he achieved this by taping his TV in bulks of three month-long cycles, causing most of WCW’s future storylines and title changes to leak out well in advance. Bischoff would later use the WWF switching their RAW tapings to month-long cycles to his own advantage, as we’ll come to later.

 

Also beneficial to taping at Disney was the fact that former WWF star Hulk Hogan was also on site, shooting his ropey “A-Team on water” wannabe Thunder in Paradise. Sensing a mutually agreeable opportunity for cross-promotion, Hogan agreed to come in and work a few big money pay-per-view main events that would give WCW an undeniable attention boost. Not mentioned is that Ric Flair was the one who first contacted Hogan about coming in, nor is it mentioned that Hogan’s presence led to a slew of former WWF names that were all considered well past their sell-by-date flooding into WCW with him, such as The Honky Tonk Man, The Butcher (Brutus Beefcake), Avalanche (Earthquake) and ‘Ugandan Giant’ Kamala. More significantly, Randy Savage also arrived in late 1994, although again they neglect part of the story, namely that Savage was feeling increasingly ostracised in the WWF, particularly from McMahon, who apparently felt Savage’s in-ring days were behind him.

 

With more nationally known talent on board, Bischoff’s next trick was to expand the amount of pay-per-view events WCW ran each year, those being one of the few areas in which the company actually made money. Everyone thought he was going to kill the golden goose, believing nobody would buy twelve of them a year, but they did, and the WWF subsequently followed suit as to avoid looking like they were being left behind. Two decades later, WWE would still be running twelve (and in some cases up to sixteen) pay-per-view specials every single year.

 

To the infamous meeting next in which Turner asked Bischoff what they needed to do to compete with the WWF, with an unprepared Bischoff suggesting they needed to be on the air in prime time, something he never expected Turner to agree to. Cornette (along with everyone else) thought they were nuts to go head-to-head with RAW on TNT, a station which had never broadcast wrestling before. McMahon, meanwhile, cries about the predatory practices of Turner picking the same night and the same time as RAW to broadcast Nitro, when he owned multiple networks and could have picked any timeslot for the show. “Why would you do that? He was trying to hurt us,” bitches McMahon, who might want to look in a mirror and ask himself why he chose to run WWF events in Minneapolis head-to-head with AWA cards, or against the established promotions in St. Louis, Oklahoma, Atlanta, and elsewhere. All whilst utilising headline names already built up by the promoters in those areas, when he could so easily have booked cards on any night he wanted in his already established New York/Boston/Philadelphia network of buildings. What’s that smell? Oh, it’s just the appalling stench of hypocrisy in the air. Adds Gerry “Melodrama” Brisco: “My reaction was, “We’ll knock your socks off of ya’. We’ll beat the crap out of ya’, and kick you in the dirt, and watch you roll over and die.” Okerlund just uses the whole thing to get in a plug for his hotline, which doesn’t even exist at this point. What a shill!

 

In an impeccable piece of timing, Lex Luger’s WWF contract expired right before the first episode of Nitro was due to air, and although Bischoff wasn’t a fan of his, having found him to be extremely arrogant during his previous WCW run, Sting was able to convince Bischoff that he’d changed his ways and was worth giving another chance to. Bischoff reluctantly agreed, but only with a lowball offer that was just 20% of what Luger had been making when he left WCW in the first place, figuring that Luger would decline the offer and he could at least tell Sting, “I tried”. To Bischoff’s surprise, Luger accepted the deal, and casually sauntered to the ring on the first Nitro less than twenty-four hours after teaming with Shawn Michaels to defeat Owen Hart and Yokozuna on a WWF house show in St. Johns, New Brunswick (erroneously identified as Halifax, Nova Scotia by the fact-filled Okerlund. Stephen Fry on QI he ain’t). Cornette recalls that Luger was actually working for the WWF without at contract at that point, McMahon having made the mistake of taking Luger at his word after being fed promises that he’d put pen to paper on a new deal after his lawyers had gone over the fine print with him.

 

Bischoff knew the surprise defection of Luger would set the tone for Nitro and get people talking, which leads to a discussion of how Nitro being live every week meant he could give away the results of the already-taped episodes of RAW, and how he also came up with the concept of going on the air three minutes early in order to do it before their show had even begun. He follows that by getting the green light to have regular overruns at the end of his shows so that ardent WWF fans could still switch over after RAW had finished and catch the final, climactic, show-closing angles on Nitro in an attempt to get them hooked on his product instead. McMahon calls these innovations “tricks”, and dubs said “dirty tactics” as being both “rotten” and “painful”. Of course, RAW would later follow Nitro’s lead in going live (almost) every week despite the monumental cost of doing so, and would soon be granted its own end-of-show overrun from the USA Network, a “dirty tactic” it curiously maintained a good fifteen years after WCW went out of business. Old-school Okerlund didn’t much care for giving away a competitor’s results live on the air, but ethically Bischoff didn’t care because it got people talking. Foley took it personally though, since it could have hurt the promotion that was paying his wages and thus putting food on his family’s table, while blusterous Brisco “would have slapped the hell out [Bischoff]” had he ever bumped into him at the time.

 

The second big defection comes in December 1995 when the WWF decides to scrap their women’s division and leave Alundra Blayze in the unemployment line, so Bischoff brings her back to WCW under her former Madusa name and has her drop the WWF Women’s Title belt in a garbage can on Nitro. That led to the WWF finally responding with their Wrasslin’ Warroom series of skits, centred around the geriatric antics of Billionaire Ted, Scheme Gene, The Huckster and The Nacho Man. Initially comedic, they quickly grew to be incredibly mean-spirited, and were mercifully put out of their misery on the WrestleMania XII pre-show, the insider-laden humour having flown over the heads of the majority of the WWF’s young audience.

 

Heading into 1996, the departures from the WWF of Razor Ramon and Diesel are portrayed as shocking betrayals, even though everybody knew months in advance that their contracts were due to expire and they’d been offered significantly more money to jump ship. Continuing this documentary’s infuriating habit of not expounding on the situation, it isn’t mentioned that both gave their notice well in advance and did high profile jobs on the way out (Ramon for Vader and Diesel for The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels), just that they left the WWF high and dry. That leads to the as-yet unnamed Scott Hall and Kevin Nash debuting on Nitro over a two week period in May and June, complete with Nash’s grammatically incorrect line “This is where the big boys play? Look at the adjective – ‘play’” (Quick English lesson: “play” is actually the verb. The adjective in the sentence is “big”). Prichard whines about the WWF making those guys into stars first, crediting that with being the reason anybody even watched Nitro at all, although the truth is that both sides were neck-and-neck in the Monday night ratings battle at that point, with sixteen wins each plus two draws. While there’s certainly a great deal of truth to the WWF making them both much bigger stars than they had been previously, the notion that none of WCW’s fan base remembered Vinnie Vegas or The Diamond Studd from just three and four years earlier is ridiculous, as is the hypocrisy behind the statement when you consider that, not long before Hall and Nash switched employers, the WWF brought in and gave a big push to essentially the same Vader character that had already run roughshod in WCW for the best part of four years. Oh, but how dare WCW help themselves to Razor and Diesel? Furthermore, a line from the narrator that upon seeing Hall and Nash presented as an invading force in WCW, fans were left “confused, yet interested” is just a really backhanded way of contemptuously dismissing your followers as cretinous morons who can’t comprehend a wrestling angle when they see one. Also unmentioned is the WWF’s woeful attempt to win a lawsuit against WCW by hiring Rick Bognar and Glenn Jacobs to play new versions of the Ramon and Diesel characters in an attempt to “prove” that WCW was infringing on the WWF’s intellectual property.

 

Onto Hogan’s genuinely shocking heel turn at Bash at the Beach ‘96 next, although excised is Hogan blowing his lines and dubbing the group the “New World Organisation”, as is Bobby Heenan tipping off viewers to the impending betrayal with the question, “But whose side is he on?!” Prichard calls the turn the high point of the entire Nitro run, which is funny considering it happened on a pay-per-view, while The Big Show talks about the nWo being so badass that they eventually became “cool heels”, which was one of the overriding problems with the way the act presented itself. Nash in particular couldn’t help playing the part of the wisecracking hipster, turning the boos he was supposed to be getting into guffaws, and it all combined to make WCW look deeply unfashionable by comparison, a stigma it was never able to shake off.

 

“My philosophy of business is help yourself, not hurt the other guy,” cries the delusional McMahon, who spent a good chunk of the 80s “hurting the other guys” in order to help himself. Shawn Michaels then pops up to claim that nobody ever cared about ratings until Nitro came along, which isn’t just completely inaccurate, but also shows a distinct lack of understanding about what a vital role such metrics played within the television industry at the time (and still do), particularly in terms of those all-important advertising rights fees. Bischoff had his finger on the pulse regarding those numbers, however, and found out from focus groups that wrestling fans liked unpredictability and spontaneity, and would closely monitor what was being broadcast at any given time on RAW to determine the most advantageous moments to counter-program his “spontaneous” surprises.

 

In the wake of the forming of the nWo, The 1-2-3 Kid (Syxx) and Ted DiBiase both jump ship from the WWF to WCW, with DiBiase’s departure opening the door for floundering midcarder Steve Austin to grab the bull by the horns and become the biggest star in the industry. Cornette points out that Austin had previously struggled to make much headway in WCW and, with no track record, had been left to rot in the WWF as the colourless Ringmaster until DiBiase bailed out. Lacking the ability to find anything better for him to do, the WWF’s “uncreative” team decided to just let Austin be himself, which Cornette says was, “the way it needed to be all along,” and thus ‘Stone Cold’ was born. “That’s the way that most major talent gets over; by being themselves with the volume turned way up,” adds Cornette, whose words become all the more frustrating when you think about the agonising minutiae with which WWE programming has been scripted since the Austin-led boom period at the turn of the century.

 

The Austin story continues with his famous “Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!” speech at the 1996 King of the Ring, the importance of which has since be retrofit by WWE to fit their own narrative of his success. What gets largely forgotten is that they did precisely nothing with him for months afterwards, feeding him to the returning Bret Hart at the Survivor Series before continuing to do nothing with him until finding themselves without an opponent for Hart at WrestleMania 13 after the tragic and untimely loss of Shawn Michaels’ smile. Foley at least credits the thrilling Hart-Austin “I Quit” match as the real turning point for Austin’s career, although just as with Hogan’s heel turn, that was another pay-per-view moment rather than a Monday night one.

 

Despite the ongoing rhetoric that WCW never made any new stars, Chris Jericho stops by to point out the star-making exposure that WCW gave to himself, Eddy Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Rey Mysterio Jr., Juventud Guerrera and others, and although his lofty claims that the influx of those “real wrestlers” was just as important to the success of the company as the marquee value of the nWo is perhaps a tad overstated, it’s certainly true that they became the backbone of the promotion, lighting up many an undercard in support of the generally crummy main events of Hogan and his ilk. Benoit rightly points out that the blending of styles from Mexico and Japan offered something new and different, while Okerlund puts the luchadores over in particular for bringing fast-paced excitement to the mile-a-minute television world.

 

Meanwhile, McMahon fines Michaels $10,000 for going on RAW with a giant sausage stuffed down his crotch, but Michaels pleads his case that, “the boys found it funny!” Whether they did or not, it was undeniably crass. Little did either of them realise that it was precisely that kind of crassness that would begin to turn things around for the WWF, as the increasingly rebellious Michaels went on live TV to declare that he was prepared to continue his wicked ways and, “go down in a blaze of glory,” in doing so. Then followed another wholly unexpected development, as Owen Hart broke Austin’s neck with a botched sitout piledriver at SummerSlam ‘97. “It couldn’t have come at a worse time for WWE,” notes the narrator, although in hindsight it was actually incredibly fortuitous. Unable to wrestle, the WWF had no choice but to further develop Austin’s anti-authoritarian character in a series of memorable angles in which he dropped various on-screen authority figures with Stone Cold Stunners, all of which served to make him more popular than ever. Tapping into the real life situation, Austin’s inability to wrestle was portrayed on-screen as company owner McMahon refusing to allow it, which served to further incense fans until Austin finally dropped McMahon with a Stunner on the September 22nd RAW from Madison Square Garden, cementing Austin’s status as the biggest babyface in wrestling. Not touched upon is that Austin’s neck injury forced him to completely alter wrestling style, ushering in a long-standing era of WWF main events being characterised mostly by brawling, storyline twists, and finisher reversals.

 

Amidst all these developments, WWF fans quickly came to reject happy-go-lucky babyface Rocky Maivia, with Maivia in turn rejecting the fans to become Austin’s blood rival, kick-starting a run that would see his Rock character become arguably as popular as Austin himself. An unprecedented period of success, it was the first (and to date last) time the promotion had two main event babyfaces achieve that level of mega stardom concurrently. Part of their success was down to the fact that they had room to grow in the wake of previous main eventers Michaels and Hart both departing the promotion, each under wildly different circumstances. With Michaels, it was a devastating back injury that forced him into early retirement in the spring of 1998 (from which he would miraculously return just over four years later). With Hart, it was the news in September 1997 that a financially struggling McMahon felt he could no longer afford his to pay Hart’s twenty-year contract, and that he was free to re-enter negotiations with WCW. Hart had initially signed his deal in October 1996 after a bidding war between the WWF and WCW that saw him turn down an incredible $2.8 million a year offer from Bischoff. McMahon’s counter-offer was an unprecedented double decade deal that would pay ‘The Hitman’ $1.5 million per annum for the first three years followed by a low six-figure amount for the remaining seventeen, during which time Hart would likely transition into a behind the scenes agent role. Faultlessly loyal, Hart felt a sense of betrayal upon receiving the announcement that McMahon had chosen to sever their relationship, although not as betrayed as he would following the events of November 9, 1997 at the Survivor Series in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Having reluctantly struck a deal with Bischoff to spearhead WCW’s impending Thunder telecasts to the tune of $2.5 million per year, Hart found himself in the perilous position of still carrying the WWF Championship despite being WCW bound. Also armed with a WWF contract that offered him “reasonable creative control” in how his character was booked, Hart found the notion of dropping the strap to Michaels, his Survivor Series opponent, totally abhorrent on the grounds that Michaels had previously told him in conference that he would never again put Hart over. Allegedly fearing a repeat of the Madusa belt-trashing incident should Hart leave the promotion with his top title, a desperate McMahon felt he had little recourse but to double cross him at the conclusion of the Hart-Michaels match, ordering referee Earl Hebner to call for the bell and award Michaels the victory as he held Hart in his own Sharpshooter finishing hold, several minutes before the previously agreed upon disqualification finish could be executed.

 

None of the events of Montreal are covered in any great detail here of course, instead presented as simply just a thing that happened, but the incident did help turn amiable announcer Vince into all-powerful super-villain boss Mr. McMahon, giving blue collar everyman Austin his perfect foil. While there are those who believe the brilliant Mr. McMahon character was Vince’s flukish silver lining from the cloud of Hart’s departure, Foley theorises that McMahon knew what he was doing all along, and that his infamous post-Survivor Series interview in which he defended himself to the hilt and proclaimed that, “Bret screwed Bret,” was less a genuine attempt to absolve himself from blame and more the final evolution into his new heel character.

 

Also not covered is the mammoth Hogan vs. Sting showdown more than a year in the making over in WCW, and instead we arrive at the spine-chilling angle in which Austin flips the bird to Mike Tyson and generates ludicrous amounts of publicity for the WWF in the process. Barred from boxing after biting a chunk out of Evander Holyfield’s ear in a June 1997 fight, convicted rapist Tyson had transcended his sport through media coverage of his controversial activities to become one of the most famous personalities on the planet, even if it was for mostly the wrong reasons. Realising the magnetic pull Tyson had and the sort of column inches he generated, McMahon offered him $3.5 million to make a handful of appearances for the WWF, including a spot as the special guest enforcer for the Michaels-Austin championship bout at WrestleMania XIV. Bischoff admits he was both so ignorant and arrogant at the time that he completely dismissed the WWF’s plans to rebrand themselves as trash TV in the mould of Jerry Springer and Howard Stern, but had his head turned when he found out they were dealing with Tyson. Not noted, presumably because it doesn’t fit WWE’s triumphant narrative, is that following Tyson’s appearance at the 1998 Royal Rumble, his advisers immediately went to Bischoff and attempted to negotiate a better deal, which even “ATM Eric” rebuffed, figuring the asking price was too high. The key difference was that to WCW, all Tyson would have amounted to would have been some kind of match with Hogan, a big buyrate, some newspaper publicity, and little else. But over in the struggling WWF, the association with Tyson was far more valuable, helping turn Austin into a household name beyond just the hardcore wrestling audience. Hindsight would show that Tyson was worth every penny to the WWF, and had Bischoff scooped McMahon on the deal, history may have ended up very differently.

 

Onto April 13, 1998, and the WWF finally wins a round in the ratings war thanks to the announcement of an Austin vs. McMahon match to take place that night on RAW. Jericho returns to discuss how complacent Bischoff had becoming after a win streak totalling “eighty-five straight weeks” (it was actually eighty-three – did nobody fact check this thing?), and then comes Triple H kicking Michaels out of DX and replacing him with X-Pac (the former Syxx) and The New Age Outlaws, leading to their “WCW invasion” skits. That prompts Bischoff to retaliate with a grandstand challenge for McMahon to show up at Slamboree ‘98 for a fight. Sensibly, McMahon chose not to bother, dismissing the challenge as, “a cheap and desperate tactic to increase WCW pay-per-view buys,” and instead publicly challenged Bischoff to a rumble, “at any time, in any parking lot across the country, void of television cameras, photographers, and public announcement.” Bischoff declared himself the winner by forfeit, whilst the documentary chooses to ignore such a result and has the narrator attempt to save face for McMahon by simply declaring that, “he was busy.”

 

Onto more sensible matters next, as JR brags about how the WWF was able to ride the wave of momentum they’d built and used it to reinvent The Undertaker, Triple H and The Rock, whilst also creating a plethora of new stars such as Kane and Kurt Angle. His subsequent burial of WCW for failing to do the same outside of capturing lightning in a bottle with Goldberg rings a tad hollow however, particularly when you consider the ascension from midcard to World Heavyweight Championship of the likes of The Giant, Diamond Dallas Page, Scott Steiner, Booker T and Jeff Jarrett during this period. It’s a complete misnomer at best, and a total fabrication at worst. On Goldberg, Bischoff talks about his “175-0” winning streak (the number WCW actually gave out before he lost to Nash at Starrcade ‘98 over six months later was 173-0, another sloppy bit of fact checking), and the piece is edited to make it sound like 175-0 was his tally heading into his World Title match with Hollywood Hogan on the July 6, 1998 Nitro. The number WCW was actually touting at the time was 108-0, though that itself was a status-enhancing fabrication. Jericho calls Goldberg’s title win, “the peak of WCW,” but in truth the train was already coming off the tracks by then, with WCW choosing to throw away untold millions in potential pay-per-view revenue by running the Hogan-Goldberg bout on free television with just four days notice. It would have been one thing had ticket sales to the Georgia Dome been anaemic, but the advance already guaranteed them a monster house regardless of what they chose the headline the event with. As it transpired, wily veteran Hogan had played his creative control card in getting the match booked, allowing him to crow about headlining a record-breaking event (WCW ended up selling 36,506 tickets for the show when all was said and done) at a marquee venue in the promotion’s home base of Atlanta, thus boosting his perceived worth to the Turner organisation, officials from which would be in attendance that night. It was a carny trick that cost the company money in the long term, but ensured the spotlight remained firmly on Hogan. It also mattered not that all those tickets had already been sold before the announcement of the Hogan-Goldberg main event had even been made. All Turner’s bean-counters would see was that Hogan was on top when the fans came out in droves. Yet again, none of this is mentioned in the documentary beyond the match being a “great moment”.

 

To September 1998 and the emotional Nitro return of company legend Ric Flair. Once again the ignore machine is in full swing, as the documentary fails to bring up any of the reasons why he was even gone in the first place. Earlier in the year, Bischoff had held a meeting with most of the WCW talent in which he brazenly stated that the only guys in the room who’d ever drawn any money were Hogan, Savage and Roddy Piper, which most took as backhanded insult towards Flair. Justly upset, Flair then requested (and was granted) time off to watch his son Reid compete in an amateur wrestling tournament in North Carolina instead of attending a live Thunder broadcast in Tallahassee, Florida on April 9th. To Flair’s great surprise, he then found out from an announcement on Nitro three days before the Thunder show that he was being advertised to be there, with vague promises that he would discuss his career and “make a challenge”. Upon reminding WCW officials of the relatively brief time off that they’d already granted him, Flair was instead offered a chartered jet to fly him into and out of the Thunder taping, which he refused having felt disrespected by the organisation. Upon no-showing the Thunder event (on which he hadn’t even been booked to wrestle), Bischoff suspended Flair before WCW filed a lawsuit against him on April 17th, citing breach of contract. Flair’s response was to attend the WWF’s Unforgiven pay-per-view on April 26th at the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, North Carolina, where the plan had been to feature “a great wrestling champion” as one of the dignitaries at ringside, whereupon the camera would cut to amateur champion Reid, whose entourage would just happen to include his old man. Sadly, Flair’s lawyers quickly brought him round to the realisation that appearing on a WWF telecast whilst still under a valid WCW contract would only bring him more legal trouble that it was worth, so having circled the building in a limousine several times, Flair eventually thought better of it and left.

 

“It got boring, man, just the same shit day in and day out,” moans Eddie Guerrero on the continued expansion of the nWo from a lean, mean, three-man killing machine into a bloated self-parody replete with goofball hangers on, and he’s not wrong. Talk moves back to Flair’s return, as Bischoff discusses wanting to create a counter culture between what Flair represented and what he was attempting to do with Hall and Nash. Of course, shortly after Flair’s triumphant return, the Horsemen were back to putting over the nWo again, same as always. Cornette remains apoplectic about the way Bischoff treated Flair, the guy who carried Jim Crockett Promotions on his back for all those years, and that leads back to another tiresome discussion about the half-truth that WCW never made any of their own stars. Rey Mysterio’s conclusion is that he should have been pushed to the main event, citing Edge & Christian, The Dudley Boyz and The Hardy Boyz as examples of what the WWF were doing with younger talent at the time. While there’s certainly a ring of truth to his words, the likes of himself, Jericho, Benoit and Guerrero were arguably just as big in WCW as the aforementioned guys were in the WWF, and it wasn’t until many years after WCW went out of business that Edge and Jeff Hardy finally broke through the glass ceiling to become genuine needle-moving main event players for WWE, while Matt Hardy, Christian and the Dudleys either continued to flounder around as midcarders or bolted to TNA.

 

More factually inaccurate statements follow as the narrator talks of “an extremely competitive Monday” in “late December” as Mankind won his first WWF Title from The Rock. Although the title change was taped in late December, it was actually taped on a Tuesday rather than a Monday, only went head-to-head that night with a WCW house show (ironically held in Foley’s home town of Long Island, New York – the WWF taping was in Worcester, Massachusetts, hardly making for a “competitive” environment), and didn’t air until January 4, 1999. Bischoff went back to the well that night and decided to give away news of Foley’s title victory to his own audience, instructing lead Nitro announcer Tony Schiavone to proclaim, “We understand that Mick Foley, who wrestled here one time as Cactus Jack, is going to win their World Title. Ugh! That’s gonna put some butts in the seats! Ha!” Foley couldn’t understand how the company he had previously given so much effort for could be so flippantly dismissive of him and his achievements, although his displeasure with the statement was quickly assuaged when the ratings patterns that night showed a significant shift in viewership from Nitro to RAW almost immediately after Schiavone made his announcement. What Bischoff failed to understand was that lifelong fan turned hard-working superstar Foley was particularly beloved amongst the wrestling audience who saw him as one of their own. Coupled with the greatly renewed interest in the WWF’s product, Bischoff’s giving away of their results no longer seemed like an aggressively edgy tactic, but actually acted as free promotion for a magical moment that many supporters were thrilled not to have missed.

 

More significantly on the night of January 4 was WCW’s own World Title change, in which Nash laid down for Hogan after Hogan gently prodded him in the chest. It was a takeoff of an angle which the WWF had run with Michaels and Triple H in December 1997 over the lowly European Title, but here it was designed to kick-start the new year by bringing together an “elite” version of the nWo as a villainous roadblock for Goldberg (the splitting of the original group into the “nWo Hollywood” and “nWo Wolfpac” factions is also predictably neglected here). In the already predetermined world of wrestling, the idea that fans would feel insulted by two grapplers openly admitting to switching a championship in a fake match perhaps seems like some kind of painfully self-referential parody of itself, but in storyline terms where suspension of disbelief allows the viewer to buy into what they’re seeing as if the outcomes are genuine, a World Championship changing hands in a “thrown” contest was simply deemed as insulting. Worse still, this latest incarnation of the nWo began to dissolve just a few weeks later, and no revenge was ever forthcoming for Goldberg. What had initially been planned as an angle to carry WCW throughout the entire year and into the new millennium turned out to be an unmitigated disaster for the company. Where Nitro’s ratings had previously remained competitive with RAW’s throughout 1998, they began to slip shortly after the Nash-Hogan “Fingerpoke of Doom” scenario. By mid-February, those ratings had dropped below the 5.0 mark; by March they were under 4.5; by late April they fell below 4.0, and come May they were routinely pulling less than a 3.5. With a few aberrations here and there, Nitro never hit those heights again, at least on a regular basis, and by 2000, numbers were even dipping below the 3.0 mark, with the low point being the April 3rd show, admittedly just a “best of” (wrestling’s equivalent of a clip show) which pulled a paltry 1.8. “This is what World Championship Wrestling is all about,” noted commentator Schiavone just moments before the Nash-Hogan match, a line that proved indignantly prophetic thanks to the benefit of hindsight.

 

Once again, not a single mention is made of any of those ratings woes on the documentary, with talk instead turning to how nobody knew who was actually in charge at WCW. Okerlund more specifically bemoans Bischoff allowing his top stars to have “complete creative control” written into their contracts as being one of the major problems, but in truth the only guy to have any sort of creative control clause worded into his deal was Hogan, and for all the trouble that may have caused, he was still undoubtedly WCW’s top draw during this period, arguably making him worth any correlating headaches. With the tide clearly turning, the rats quickly began deserting the sinking ship, with Big Show talking about how smart he was to see the warning signs when he did and make the leap over to the WWF. I’m sure the ten year contract with a $950,000 a-year downside guarantee that the WWF offered him in February 1999 had a little something to do with it too. McMahon then returns to dub Show “the largest athlete in the world” in another debatable claim, although he’s got nothing to say for himself when it comes to discussing WCW talents being “acquired” by the WWF, where previously WCW had “stolen” the WWF’s top stars. The theory seems to be that it’s really mean-spirited for a huge corporate conglomerate like the Turner organisation to offer big money deals to the main event players of their self-made rival, but it’s okay for the McMahon league to scoop up promising youngsters in the other direction because clearly their talent is otherwise just being wasted. At no point is this hypocritical rhetoric made any more evident than when former two-time WCW World Champion and pay-per-view main eventer Show claims, “I really hadn’t established a run yet,” regarding his time working for WCW.

 

“Revisionist thinking is that Eric Bischoff had completely pissed away everybody’s money. Bullshit. I was making money hand over fist. I took a $24 million a year company that was losing $10 million a year, and four years later it was a $350 million company that was making $50 million a year,” claims Bischoff, who would challenge executives and call them out on their decisions because he thought he would always have Turner to fall back on. At least, that’s the story he’s telling; The truth is closer to the fact that business was in a freefall and the company was losing around $5 million a month, so he got sent home by high ranking executive Harvey Schiller, at the time the president of TBS Sports. One month later, WWF writers Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara made the switch to WCW, which could make for a whole entire documentary in its own right. Here, the bulk of their run is highlighted by Ferrara’s distasteful Oklahoma character, an unfunny pot-shot at Ross, complete with emphasis on his Bell’s palsy affliction. Quickly dismissed, Flair calls Russo a “clown” and talk reverts back to what great stars Edge, Christian and The Hardy Boyz were becoming, all talent who had been championed largely by… erm, Vince Russo actually. That’s coupled with the narrator talking about how “new talent at WWE was making an impact”, highlighted by Ken Shamrock (who had left the company a month before Russo and Ferrara even made their jump), Val Venis (who had already been a strongly-featured midcard name for the previous eighteen months but was already on the downswing of his career having never ascended to a main event slot, something the WWF routinely bashed WCW for doing with their undercard talent), and Mark Henry (who had already been with the company for three years by this point, and who didn’t actually start getting any good until the latter part of the 2000s).

 

McMahon dismissively refers to WCW signing away the likes of Savage, Hall, Nash, and others as “buying off” his big name stars, whilst also making sure to put a more self-aggrandisingly positive spin on the WCW-to-WWF switch of The Radicalz as an “influx of talent”, suggesting that it was their choice to leave WCW where the previous WWF names had been stolen from them. Do you ever get the feeling that McMahon genuinely believes his own bullshit? Not mentioned (obviously) is that WCW had just put their World Title on Benoit prior to his leaving (an attempt by then-booker Kevin Sullivan to prevent him from doing just that), that the Radicalz were immediately jobbed out to D-Generation-X on their first night in action for the promotion, that it took Benoit and Guerrero a further four years before they achieved real main event of success in WWE, that the WWF actually fired Guerrero at one point over his substance abuse problems, or that neither Dean Malenko nor Perry Saturn were particularly any better off as on-screen characters in the WWF than they had been in WCW. Still, let’s not let such trivial facts get in the way of WWE’s chosen narrative of, “WCW had no idea what to do with any of them, so they came to us and we made them all stars”.

 

To Bash at the Beach 2000 now, although no mention is made of Russo double-crossing Hogan by cutting a venomous shoot promo on him after Hogan had already left the building, following a ridiculous angle in which Jeff Jarrett was instructed to lay down and lose the World Title to him. Instead, Russo is simply shown the door with barely any reference made to his torrid tenure as WCW’s head writer, and he’s quickly followed in the knacker’s yard by the previously unmentioned Bill Busch. Who was Busch and what did he do to warrant this on-air note of his departure, you may well be wondering? Well, he was actually WCW’s former accountant before being promoted to Senior Vice President, whereupon realising he knew nothing about wrestling, had chosen to just monitor the business aspects of the company while hiring Russo and Ferrara to run the creative side of things. Once Russo was turfed and Bischoff’s name was brought up as a replacement by Brad Siegel (the head of Turner’s wrestling division, which probably gives you some idea about how many different people were supposedly in charge of the brand), Busch decided to quit, having duly noted the $15 million the company lost under Bischoff’s guidance in 1999. Not that you’d know any of that from actually watching this documentary, mind you; Here, Busch is just the name of a guy who got fired, for some reason.

 

With most of the disasters of 2000 brushed over, Bischoff’s attempt at buying WCW is quickly covered as, “one day we were going to buy it, and even had a letter of intent stating as much, and then the next day I was told we weren’t buying it anymore.” Nothing is made of WCW losing a mind-boggling $62 million under a combined Bischoff/Russo regime that year (Russo having been brought back not long after having being sent packing in the first place), nor of Bischoff’s conglomerate of potential investors, Fusient Media Ventures, offering to buy the league for around $70 million, only to amend the offer to just $5.7 million down plus $2.15 a year for the next twenty years (a total of $48.7 million) after investigating WCW’s books and discovering what a financial hole the company was in. No mention is made either of WCW’s parent company, Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. merging with Time Warner, Inc. in October 1996, a deal which resulted in Ted Turner eventually being dropped from his position as head of all Turner cable networks by company CEO Gerald Levin. Just as significant but also ignored is another merger on January 11, 2001, in which America Online purchased Time Warner to become AOL Time Warner, just in time for the burst of the dotcom bubble to drag down the profitability and stock price of the entire company to the point that Turner, Time Warner’s biggest individual shareholder, personally lost in the region of $7 billion.

 

Also deemed irrelevant to the discussion is the appointment of Jamie Kellner as Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Turner Broadcasting Systems. A major figure in the creation of the FOX Network, The WB Television Network and FOX Kids, Kellner had a strong preference for targeting young females with shows such as 7th Heaven, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson’s Creek, Charmed and Gilmore Girls. Seemingly already predisposed against wrestling, he also felt that even if WCW could once again attract viewers, the demographics would not be favourable enough to convince the all-important advertisers to buy airtime during the shows, so in March 2001, he announced that neither TBS or TNT would continue to air professional wrestling on their channels. In just his first week on the job, Kellner had effectively brought to an end the seventy-year legacy of the organisation that had originally been founded by Jim Crockett, Sr. back in the 1930s. Without the television to support it, nor Turner to protect it, WCW became essentially worthless to Fusient, and they withdrew their offer, clearing the way for McMahon to purchase what remained of the organisation for just $2.2 million plus fees and legal costs. Ten months earlier, the SFX Entertainment conglomerate of live event promoters had made an offer to purchase the group for around $500 million, and now the rights had been sold to the World Wrestling Federation for an amalgamated fee of just under $3 million.

 

Instead, things simply zip ahead to the final Nitro from Panama City, Florida on March 26th, 2001, which is often erroneously credited as the final WCW broadcast ever. While it’s true that it was both the final live broadcast and final live event WCW ever promoted, there was actually an episode of syndicated highlights package Worldwide which hit the air in selected markets later that week (March 31st, to be precise), and featured a final sign-off for the promotion from hosts Scott Hudson and Mike Tenay. How apropos that the official final WCW offering should air on the eve of April Fools’ Day, and on the eve of what just happened to be the biggest WrestleMania the WWF had ever promoted. There was also a short-lived series of thirty-minute compilation shows hosted by Dusty Rhodes on the localised Turner South cable and satellite station dubbed WCW Classics, focusing primarily on older footage from the Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling and Jim Crockett Promotions archives, which ran until the autumn of 2001. The last original episode of the show to air was a one hour special on July 22nd featuring Ric Flair as co-host, somewhat ironically on the same day as the WWF’s InVasion pay-per-view. Two weeks earlier, on a taped episode of Sunday Night Heat, the WWF aired a WCW World Tag Team title match in which Sean O’Haire & Chuck Palumbo defeated the makeshift team of Kanyon & Shawn Stasiak, which ended up being the last match they officially billed as being held under the WCW umbrella, complete with WCW-ingrained ring skirts and on-screen ident bugs.

 

As has now become the infuriatingly predictable norm, not a word of this is referenced on the documentary, and instead things are wrapped up with a series of talking heads discussing the final Nitro. “It was pure exhilaration for me” notes Big Show, who hadn’t even been with WCW for over two years by the time it closed down, and apparently completely oblivious to the fact that the war between them and the WWF had driven everyone’s bargaining power through the roof. There’s not a cat in hell’s chance he ever would have been offered the WWF contract he was had McMahon already had his monopoly on the business. “I was so happy at that show to see that company close down. I couldn’t stand it,” adds Flair, who at least takes a poignant moment to mention all the people who lost their jobs and had nowhere to go, before suggesting the company was far too concerned with comparing themselves to RAW instead of concentrating on making Nitro as good as it could be.

 

Foley compares the original RAW broadcasts to the ones from 1997 (not the boring contemporary ones from 2004 mind you, which are now airing unopposed after the death of WCW, but those from when Nitro was still kicking ass in the ratings) and says that the competition brought out the best in them, which is quite the backhanded indictment of the state of business since both WCW and ECW went kaput. Okerlund calls it, “a big piece of wrestling history,” before adding, “Not to say that it couldn’t happen again.” Gee, I wonder if TNA will ever give WWE a run for their money with that newfangled Impact! show they’ve got going on? Bischoff suggests that, “Without a doubt, the highest high was worth all of the lows combined,” which is an interesting way of looking at things after everything he’s been through, then claims that, “the Monday Night Wars were, and still are, responsible for all the success that all of us are enjoying in the business today.” Michaels concurs that discounting what Bischoff did would be grossly unfair to him.

 

The bothersome narrator finally wraps things up with some truly saccharine generic bullshit about how, “the fans were the winners,” but we can’t leave without a few final thoughts from Brisco, who says the end of the war was, “probably the defining moment. When we finally conquered Ted Turner and all of his billions and billions of dollars and told Ted, ‘We kicked your butt!’,” ignoring both the fact that the closure of the company had nothing to do with the then-powerless Turner, and that it was ultimately WCW’s own internal failures which lead them down that path in the first place, not any significant action on the WWF’s part. “The most important lesson that came out of the RAWNitro wars,” he adds, “was don’t mess with Vince McMahon.” Fun fact – Brisco’s head is now so far up McMahon’s ass that when Vince wakes up on a morning, he has to brush two sets of teeth.

 

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#WWE56552 – Mick Foley – Greatest Hits And Misses

Lee Maughan: Hosted by the man himself, who starts with a crack about how if you’re watching his DVD then you must be a huge wrestling fan, which also means you probably aren’t dating very much either. Hey, don’t you patronise me after I’ve just patronised your wallet!

 

Mick Foley thinks that if you’ve only seen Vader from his WWF run then you’re missing out, and that’s certainly quite the understatement. He recalls a time when enhancement workers would see their name against Vader’s on the board at TV tapings and legitimately walk out and quit the business instead of facing him, never to be seen again. Not that such a thing was surprising after the time Vader accidentally temporarily paralysed a young worker by the name of Joe Thurman with a supremely stiff powerbomb.

 

Cactus Jack vs. Vader
[WCW Saturday Night – 04.06.93 (aired 04.17.93)]
With WCW struggling to find a number two babyface behind Sting, Cactus was given the unlikely nod of filling the void in early 1993. He’d actually been getting cheered quite a bit anyway from fans who appreciated his hard work, but once he’d made the switch he was struggling to garner much sympathy from audiences who never really felt like he was in much peril. It’d hadn’t helped that throughout his heel run he’d been portrayed as a guy who actually enjoyed pain, so he pitched an idea to WCW booker Dusty Rhodes about challenging World Champion Vader to a match on TV, in which Vader would rough him up for real and they could instead start to portray Cactus Jack as real flesh-and-blood human being who actually did feel pain and could (and would) be injured.

Foley’s plan was to have Vader legitimately bust his eyebrow open by creating a gash from punching downward with the point of the knuckles. Unfortunately for him, Vader couldn’t quite get the trick right and instead walloped him right across the bridge of the nose with four heavy forearms in a row, one of which actually broke said nose. Worse still, barely a trickle of claret came out, but before Cactus could inform Vader that he’d reconsidered the whole thing, Vader smashed him with a right hand across the cheekbone and another on the originally intended eyebrow target. That finally bust him open, much to the dismay of Vader’s manager Harley Race, who’d hoped to do the busting himself.

The match is absolutely brutal (and a little tough to watch at points), and really does a lot to garner the sympathy Foley had been looking for, but with WCW being WCW, he found out the very next day from Eric Bischoff that the Turner organisation (WCW’s parent company and broadcaster) were refusing to air it unless substantial edits could be made to sanitise it and remove the blood. Foley had willingly allowed Vader to break his nose, blacken his eyes, dislocate his jaw, and cause him to get stitches, yet it was all for nothing. That was followed with further salt being rubbed into the wound as after the edited version of the match aired on TV (complete with lengthy cutaways to unrelated crowd shots and selective angles that avoided showing Cactus’ battered face), WCW ran a commercial promoting the upcoming Slamboree: A Legends Reunion pay-per-view, replete with ancient clips of The Crusher, Verne Gagne, Blackjack Mulligan and others, all sporting the “crimson mask”.

As if things weren’t already bad enough after all that, Foley then received a phone call from WCW’s production staff about a week later requesting that he come in to cut promos for a rematch, in which he’d be required to look exactly as he’d done after the first match. Much to his annoyance, his physical bumps and bruises had already begun to heal by that point, but he was more angry about the fact that he’d offered to tape some interviews immediately after the match and had been shot down on account of the condition of his face being far too gruesome to put on TV.

Although it may all have been for nought, the incident did at least provide Foley with a story to tell on this DVD over a decade later, and in fact he actually had forethought enough to request a copy of the unedited tape of the match, the footage from which is included here, albeit without the original commentary from Jesse Ventura, removed by the WWE production staff to avoid paying him any royalties. Tight gits. The next week’s edition of WCW Saturday Night would feature a Cactus-Vader rematch, in which Cactus would suffer numbness in his right arm and foot after being powerbombed on the concrete floor, leading to him taking the first paid vacation of his career but having to come back several weeks later with a truly abysmal amnesia gimmick, as dreamt up by Rhodes.
Final Rating: ***½

 

Chicago Street Fight
The Nasty Boys vs. Maxx Payne & Cactus Jack
[WCW Spring Stampede ‘94 – 04.17.94]
This is Cactus’ first match back after having most of his right ear torn off in another match with Vader at a house show in Munich, Germany. He admits that for the first time in his career he didn’t really feel prepared to wrestle, especially after WCW had failed to exploit the missing ear for all it was worth. He was also depressed, feeling like he was being given the shaft after getting shunted into a tag team with Maxx Payne following the conclusion of his run with Vader, and really had no desire to get in the ring with either of the Nasty Boys, who he felt, “had a reputation for being a little bit sloppy, a little bit dangerous,” which is the polite way of saying he thought they sucked.

His general malaise towards the bout changed somewhat after Jerry Sags broke a pool cue over his head and Brian Knobbs almost dented his skull, setting the stage for a wild, weapons-based brawl through the crowd, complete with Payne slamming Knobbs through a (suspiciously cordoned off) merchandise stand. All of a sudden, Foley perked up, realising that he needed to get his arse in gear and fight back or it’d be curtains for him. It almost was when Sags attempted to piledrive him through a table for the finish, only for the table to break and send them both crashing recklessly onto the entrance ramp. Improvising, Sags instead shoved Cactus back-first off the ramp onto the concrete below, where Cactus failed to land flat and injured his shoulder in the process, a bump he referred to as the “Nestea Plunge”, the name derived from an old advertising campaign in which people would suddenly fall backwards, fully clothed, into a swimming pool after drinking Nestea instant iced tea.

With Payne losing the fall after taking a shovel to the head, an aching Cactus at least consoled himself with the thought of getting some time off and having surgery done to repair his ear, something he had already scheduled for shortly after this match. Feeling like he’d truly earned his break, he received a phone call just a couple of days later informing him that Dave Sullivan had gone down with a knee injury and that he was needed as a replacement partner for Dave’s on-screen brother Kevin Sullivan. Worrying that Kevin’s whole WCW stint would be in jeopardy if he didn’t lend a helping hand, Cactus opted to put others before himself (also in the hopes of scoring a pay rise, admittedly) and agreed to come back for another crazy street fight with the Nasties the next month at Slamboree.

That bout would prove to be the chaotic blowoff to the whole feud, an incredible brawl that was even better than this match, and it’s a shame it wasn’t included on the DVD. Those matches together were actually pretty revolutionary for the business at the time, as even though the Steiner Brothers had been doing the same kind of brawls with the Nasty Boys and The Varsity Club in years prior, these ones really helped set the stage for the out-of-control style that Kevin had been doing and would take back with him to ECW around that time, including in a match where he and Cactus fought The Public Enemy to a no-contest in November.
Final Rating: ****

 

 

Sabu vs. Cactus Jack
[ECW Hostile City Showdown ’94 – 06.24.94]
This was actually the start of a talent trading agreement that ECW owner Todd Gordon was attempting to cultivate with WCW, using Kevin Sullivan as the go-between for both groups. Gordon was a big fan of Cactus and felt like a bout between him and ECW star Sabu would be something of a dream match for hardcore wrestling fans. Foley agreed with the sentiment, but was actually reluctant to do the match at first because he felt like there was enough name and monetary value in having “Cactus Jack vs. Sabu” on the marquee that independent promoters across the country would scramble to book it, which would keep his wallet full after he left WCW. Unfortunately for him, his WCW contract wasn’t due to expire for another several months and he was subsequently outvoted on the issue.

To the match, and the first thing that becomes abundantly clear is that at the time of this DVD’s release, WWE still had much work to do in cleaning up the vast video library it had begun to acquire, as the footage here looks like it was dubbed from a second or third generation quality VHS copy, complete with on-screen tracking. Still, that does at least add to the nostalgic feel of the underground tape trading era to which ECW steadfastly belonged. As he notes in his pre-match recollections, Foley was trying to do the Of Mice and Men build where he’d take all the punishment until the fans would be begging for him to fight back, which seems to have been a miscalculation on his part because most fans at the time would have been expecting to see an outright brawl between these two, and his inability to fight back early on just makes him look like a bit of pussy. Things at least pick up a little later on with the Cactus Clothesline over the top to the floor and a brawl into the crowd, but the bout never really ascends to the heights you might hope. Sabu puts Cactus through a table with an Asai moonsault, but Cactus recovers first and rams a piece of the broken wood into Sabu’s gut. He follows with a clothesline into the corner, but Sabu’s manager Paul E. Dangerously smashes him across the head with his yuppie telephone and Sabu falls on top for the pin, giving Cactus his out for losing, having been gracious enough to do the honours.

Cactus beats up Dangerously and absolutely drills 911 with a chair over the head to get his heat back afterwards, with Mr. Hughes coming out to try put an end to that, only for Hughes’ partner, ECW super-heel Shane Douglas, to come out and make the surprising save for Cactus, playing off their real-life friendship that had begun several years earlier when they trained together at Dominic DeNucci’s wrestling school. Weirdly, Sabu decides to mount a comeback after that, breaking a glass bottle over Jack’s skull, flinging him first-face through a table, and hitting him with a moonsault off the top, before Cactus retaliates by suplexing the broken table on Sabu. I think the idea was to try and create a buzz by having such a wild post-match brawl, and most of the best action actually did come after the final bell, but I think most people would have been happier with the glass bottle shot as the finish, given the unreasonably lofty expectations everyone had set for the bout.
Final Rating: **½

 

And now for something completely different, as we take a little trip down to Poetry Corner:

 

“Candido,
I’ll beat his butt, that’s my credo,
I really think I’ll make him bleed, oh,
Candido,
Worse than Rocky did Apollo Creed-o,
And upon these two fists he will feed-o,
As if they were two giant Cheetos,
And when my mission is complete, oh,
I’ll see a skid inside his speedo,
Because I’m going to beat Candido,
Bang, bang!”

 

Cactus Jack vs. Chris Candido
[SMW Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 11.07.94 (aired 11.26.94)]
This is from Jim Cornette’s Rick Rubin-financed old-timey Smoky Mountain Wrestling, with 400 fans in a high school gym. It’s also one of the few examples of Cactus really wrestling as opposed to brawling, using a headlock to take Candido down to the mat. Weirdly enough, it’s Candido who brings the more hardcore aspect, hitting Cactus on the floor with a plancha then breaking some fan’s crutches over his back for good measure. Cactus retaliates with a suplex on the floor, but Candido’s valet Tammy Lynn Sytch brings out loveable simpleton Boo Bradley (the future Balls Mahoney, or Xanta Klaus if you’d prefer) to interfere on their behalf, but it backfires when Cactus runs Candido into him and gets the pin with a DDT.

“Candido to me was proof that you didn’t need to be a monster heel to be effective,” notes Foley back in the studio. “He was a real good technical wrestler who was willing to put his body on the line, and he was willing to play the coward. One of the cool thing that he did in his matches is that he would actually run away from me. Not just back off and cower, [but] he’d actually spring away from me, and it got such a great reaction from the fans that I stole it when I came to the WWF and utilised it in my first matches with The Undertaker. I’d have the arms and knees pumping [and I’d] turn around like ‘Is he there?!’, and it got a wonderful reaction to see a big ugly guy like me running for his life very awkwardly.”
Final Rating: **¾

 

 

Texas Death Match
Cactus Jack vs. The Sandman
[ECW Double Tables – 02.04.95]
“Our next opponent, The Sandman, is a guy I had some really, really great matches with” recalls Foley, before adding, “However, the match you’re about to see is not one of them.” That’s because Cactus absolutely brains Sandman with cast-iron skillet and accidentally gives him a concussion just a few minutes in, resulting in Sandman completely forgetting where he is, what he’s supposed to be doing, and what the rules of a Texas Death Match are supposed to be. That results in him sleepwalking through the rest of the bout like a strung-out zombie, completely on autopilot with no comprehension for anything that’s going on. Not that many fans could tell the difference; Sandman was notorious for getting drunk before his bouts, and people just assumed he’d downed a few too many before hitting the ring.

Cactus knows however, and if he didn’t before, he certainly does after a horrible piledriver on a steel chair from Sandman leaves him with a neck injury that wouldn’t subside for several months. In the meantime, he’s far more frustrated by Sandman’s refusal to stay down, continually kicking out of Cactus’ pinfall attempts and getting up before the count of ten on the few occasions that he does get pinned, resulting in a funny line from Joey Styles about how he’s heard of another guy in wrestling who’s known for sitting up after absorbing punishment, and if he ever wants to come to Philadelphia, Sandman will send him back to the “dark side” permanently. Sadly that’s the only amusing thing about a match that should have been stopped before it ever got going, as a visibly frustrated Cactus just keeps dropping Sandman with elbows, chair shots and DDTs on the concrete until he finally takes the hint and stays down. This was deeply unpleasant to watch, but like a car wreck, it was hard to look away.
Final Rating: *

 

Terry Funk & Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven & Cactus Jack
[ECW November to Remember ‘95 – 11.18.95]
Cactus had turned on Dreamer to join Raven’s Nest, kicking off a run of pro-WCW, anti-hardcore promos that were some of the best in Foley’s entire career, and the previous ECW Arena card prior to this had seen Cactus accidentally set Funk on fire in a stunt gone horribly wrong. In fact, the incident was never played or even mentioned on ECW television for fear of the backlash it would cause, although fears were assuaged when November to Remember became the fastest sell-out in company history to that point.

This is a match that gets a fair bit of praise from fans and critics alike, but I suspect a lot of that is in blind deference to that status of Foley and Funk, and particularly towards the antics of Cactus and his lovingly prepared, airbrushed Dungeon of Doom t-shirt, complete with a big pink love heart on the back. It’s a great heat-generating device in the Arena environment, but it’s nothing compared to the undershirt he’s got on with a picture of Eric Bischoff on one side and the words, “Forgive me, Uncle Eric!” on the other. There’s a cool spot where Dreamer pulls the shirt up over Cactus’ head and punches away, creating the illusion that he’s reigning down the blows on Bischoff himself, and a really creative spot where Cactus and Raven try to clothesline Dreamer with a chain, only for Dreamer to dive onto the chain and cause Cactus and Raven to run into each other, but the rest of the match is nothing but a complete mess.

The babyfaces beat up the referee for absolutely no reason at all (presumably because it’s the cool thing to do when you’re a blue-eye in ECW, but it’s still a spot that would have meant so much more if they’d bothered to figure out an actual justification for it), heel referee Bill Alfonso comes out with Taz to try and count a pin on Funk, only for Dreamer to punk out Taz in a wholly unnecessary spot that adds nothing but makes Taz look like a total idiot right after he’d just turned heel earlier in the night. The rest of the match is mostly just plunder-based garbage wrestling with everyone hitting each other over the head with various weaponry as Raven and Dreamer both bleed buckets. Some will argue that an understanding of the context of the bout is needed to appreciate it, in that this kind of style hadn’t really been refined as an art form yet, but those aforementioned Nasty Boys tag matches from the year prior in WCW pissed all over this, and that was on a national scale in the major leagues too, not some dingy little bingo hall in front a bunch of South Philadelphia newsletter-reading bloodthirsty vampires. There’s one nice storyline twist at the end where Dreamer has Raven beat after a piledriver on a chair only for Cactus to prevent it and let Funk take the win as a means of robbing Dreamer of finally scoring his big pinfall win over Raven, but this does not hold up at all.
Final Rating: *½

 

Cactus Jack vs. Mikey Whipwreck
[ECW Big Ass Extreme Bash – 03.09.96]
This is Cactus’ ECW farewell, and in Foley’s mind, it was to be the Cactus Jack character’s last match ever, even going so far as to print a run of “Bang, bang! He’s dead!” t-shirts to commemorate it. He’d actually signed with the WWF in late December, and vignettes had already begun airing to promote the arrival there of Mankind, so his departure isn’t exactly a secret. Fans in Queens, New York the previous evening had taken to throwing stale beer at him and chanting “You sold out!” during his match with Chris Jericho, a reception that caused Foley to question whether wrestling was even worth it. Here at the Arena, the response is entirely the opposite, as despite his status as a fan-hating heel, they give him a standing ovation on his entrance, appreciative of all the hard work he’s put in for them over the last eighteen months.

Curiously enough, Cactus is already wearing his Mankind boots here, and even does the Mandible Claw at one point as a precursor of things to come, although it gets precisely zero reaction as nobody knows what it is yet, Joey Styles included. If only he’d worn his Dungeon of Doom t-shirt with the love heart on the back, he could have passed it off as a Dude Love reference for the complete set. Cactus actually wins the bout after a piledriver on Whipwreck’s already injured neck, which might seem like an odd result given that Cactus is the one leaving and Whipwreck is the one staying, but this was more about trying to make Whipwreck look gutsy in defeat, not to mention an exercise in circumventing the predictable. Whipwreck gives one of his best performances too, with some nutty spots including a backdrop suplex on the floor, a twisting Asai moonsault into the front row, and a running leap off the Eagle’s Nest, not to mention taking a nasty spill on a ringside table, and eating some brutal chair shots. The action does start to drag at points, and at over seventeen minutes, could have stood to lose around five minutes, but this was still a nice parting gift from Cactus.
Final Rating: ***

 
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#WWE1082 – The Ultimate Ric Flair Collection

Arnold Furious: When WWE started realising the potential for DVD releases, tied in with their newly acquired back catalogue, they happened to have Ric Flair working there. He was in the midst of a hot angle, the wise old veteran guiding Evolution along. WWE had already put out a Hulk Hogan DVD and a Shawn Michaels disc, featuring HBK’s best matches, but the potential for a big Flair release would eclipse even that. For the fans it was a chance to obtain high quality versions of classic matches. Going back to 2003 when this was released, the only way you could get Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat in the UK beforehand was to watch a dodgy pirated copy. In the days of tape trading I had several Flair-Steamboat matches on various comp tapes, including ones not shown on TV. I had a tape called Flair: Rare and Unseen and another that was three hours of Flair promos. That was what we did. The market was out there long before WWE came along with their glossy DVD sets. Even on first glance, this release doesn’t disappoint. For starters more than two-thirds of the content comes from the NWA/WCW, demonstrating that WWE had listened to fans who wanted to see Flair in his prime. Only disc three is devoted to his WWE career, and even then it still features the Clash of the Champions XXVII match with Sting. It must have been tough to pick and choose what to include on here, and we basically end up with six NWA/WCW feuds and the 1992 Royal Rumble match. But hey, it’s almost all gold.

 

WWE didn’t draw the line at using NWA footage to sell the DVD set, they even acquired Dennis Brent’s Pro Wrestling Illustrated photographs to use on the inner cover, rather than relying solely on in-house photography or video stills. It’s the little things that make a big difference. WWE hasn’t always been willing to acknowledge things exist outside of their bubble, so when they do it’s a pleasant surprise. Some modern fans might be a bit sceptical about the true genius of Ric Flair, as more than a few people have lined up to knock him (including industry legends Bret Hart and Mick Foley), but this DVD set will go a long way to converting even the most staunch anti-Flair guy. If there is such a thing.

 

Tangent: WWE DVD’s around this time featured an epic video package shilling WrestleMania as the showcase of the immortals. What’s really weird about it is a video talking about legacies, and one specific line; “One day we will die,” accompanied by a picture of Eddie Guerrero. It’s a little creepy, considering Eddie’s passing only a few years later.

 

Ric’s DVD features a lot of set-up for the matches included. So for the opener, the Flair vs. Harley Race match from the first Starrcade features a brief video package from the previous two years, including modern interviews and promos from the time. I won’t provide too much detail on these interviews, as they’re all basically just clips to enhance the viewing experience.

 

Steel Cage Match
NWA World Heavyweight Championship
Harley Race (c) vs. Ric Flair
[NWA Starrcade ‘83 – 11.24.83]
‘Also sprach Zarathustra’ booming around the Greensboro Coliseum before silence takes over and Flair emerges to rapturous applause through a cloud of dry ice is one of the most majestic entrances in the history of professional wrestling. Ric Flair first won the NWA World Title in 1981, taking it from Dusty Rhodes in Kansas City. He held the strap for, what could have been, a career-defining 631 day stretch until being unseated by Harley Race for Harley’s seventh World Title. This match would go a long way to show whether Flair would be a one-time champion or head toward building his own legacy, like Harley across the ring from him. Race is the heel, Flair is the incredibly popular babyface. The third man in the ring, in a somewhat unfortunate appointment, is former NWA Champion and wrestling legend Gene Kiniski. The tough Canadian was the NWA standard-bearer in the mid-late 60s, having taken the strap from the legendary Lou Thesz, but unfortunately Kiniski is squarely to blame for a lot of the issues in this match, scooping a lot of Flair’s heat by working a mini-match within the match against Race. Having a babyface official almost makes it a handicap match for Race. But that’s not the worst of Kiniski’s work in the match, as he’s also agonisingly slow, makes strange decisions that detract from the story the wrestlers are trying to tell, and generally ruins the contest.

Starrcade ’83 had been the NWA’s first gambit on closed-circuit television, pre-dating the WWF’s WrestleMania by sixteen months. It was a loaded card, with the title match following on from a bloody show-stealing dog collar match between Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine. Also on the bill were title switches for the NWA Mid-Atlantic TV Title and the NWA World Tag Team straps, won by Rick Steamboat and Jay Youngblood. Make no mistake about it though, the pressure was mostly on Race and Flair to deliver a memorable main event. Race is a guy who never wanted to disappoint and even toward the end of his career and an underwhelming WWF run as “King” Harley Race, he delivered as best as he could. Flair called him the “toughest wrestler” he’d known in a career spanning over thirty years. Race, perhaps annoyed by Kiniski, works a deliberate pace, purposefully driving knees into Flair’s head. The slow pace is perhaps a little jarring if you’ve not seen wrestling from that era before, as it’s very deliberate. Luckily both men are master storytellers. Another pointer for those experiencing early 80s action for the first time, check out how many of Race’s spots Triple H lifted for use in his own move set. Throughout his career, Hunter liberally borrowed chunks of Race’s matches wholesale.

Because it’s the 80s and it’s an NWA cage match, both men blade. Flair is somewhat cunning with his gig as he repeatedly puts his hands up to his face when impacting the cage, long before he uses the same cover to cut himself. It makes the actual bladejob look like perfectly normal selling. Race needs no such protection and is incredibly sly about his own cut. As the match heads toward its conclusion the crowd gets increasingly feisty as the duo pound each other with wild haymakers. Kiniski getting in the way, as per usual. A figure four softens up Race’s leg to allow some storytelling around that, but the larger concern for the fans is that Flair is bleeding profusely, turning his mop of platinum blonde hair red. Kiniski continues his streak of uselessness by taking a hackneyed bump, which ruins the finish with Flair hitting a high crossbody off the top for his second World Title. The original finish was probably for Race to fall over the grounded Kiniski, but the veteran was not in position. Kiniski aside this was solid storytelling. It’s not a great match, not even the best of the night, but a memorable passing of the torch. Race had been the stand-out wrestler of the 70s, Flair would dominate the 80s.
Final Rating: ****

 

NWA World Heavyweight Championship
Ric Flair (c) vs. Dusty Rhodes
[NWA Starrcade ‘85 – 11.28.85]
Two masters of the promo clashing here. Dusty was the NWA’s top face, a common man who the crowd could love (a lot of his promos hyping this match are legendary), whereas Flair was now the definitive heel of the 80s, obsessed with retaining the title. Flair formed the Four Horsemen to protect his belt, and with Dusty a major threat they kayfabe broke his leg. Two years on from Starrcade ’83 and Flair had established himself as the Man in the NWA. Flair is now onto his fourth run as champion, following short reigns for Race (his eighth) and Kerry Von Erich. The two men held the belt for a cumulative twenty days. Flair’s fourth run started in May 1984, making this match seem truly epic. Dusty had fought the odds to even be in the match and wears heavy strapping on his leg. It has the makings of a Cinderella-like fairytale.

As detailed on the DVD, Dusty wasn’t in good condition (he’s around eighty pounds overweight) and, according to Flair, “He did very little, but what he did do he was good at.” Flair knows what he needs to do to get the match over and that’s stall, irritate the fans, and make big Dust’s comebacks mean something. Again, it suffers from the slow pacing, as Dusty isn’t in good enough shape to go all-out for the match’s twenty-two-minute run-time, so they frequently head into rest holds. You’d think Flair would spend the match working the already injured leg of Rhodes, but instead it’s Dusty who grinds away at rest holds and Flair spends just as much time selling the leg as Rhodes does. It’s a baffling tactic, with Dusty looking to beat Flair at his own game and Ric content to let him control the match.

Dusty eventually decides the time is right and collapses under his own considerable weight, unable to carry on putting the strain on his bad wheel. Dusty’s insistence at dominating the match and cutting Flair off when he’s getting the storyline back on track is frustrating stuff. I could listen to Dusty talk all day long, but his matches generally weren’t very good. With it being Starrcade it’s especially disappointing. They could easily have just done Flair’s normal match and hit ***½ without much effort. I get they wanted to feature these guys on the DVD because the feud was so memorable and had so many great promos attached to it, but given the choice of a Flair match from around this era I’d be looking at sticking the CWF Battle of the Belts II contest against Barry Windham on here instead. Or even the broomstick job Flair did with Nikita Koloff at Starrcade ’86. That’s what this match could have been, without Dusty’s stubbornness.

Flair bleeds all over the place and referee Tommy Young, one of the most believable officials in wrestling history, takes a near perfect ref bump. Dusty hooks the figure four only for Arn Anderson and Ole Anderson to run in for the cheap DQ. They even run the old Dusty Finish with a second referee running down to count Flair out from an inside cradle. Of historical importance, though not a great match by any stretch of the imagination, and the booking leaves a sour taste in the mouth. At least the arena fans got to celebrate with Dusty Rhodes, but I know the decision gets reversed so I can’t cheer along.
Final Rating: **¾

 

NWA World Heavyweight Championship
Ric Flair (c) vs. Barry Windham
[NWA World Wide Wrestling – 01.20.87]
This is the infamous TV draw, which Flair references as an hour-long match, although it’s more like forty-five-minutes with just over thirty of them actually airing on TV. They’d already had an outstanding match at CWF Battle of the Belts II a year earlier, which finished with a double count out. Windham was typical of Flair’s favourite kind of opponent; he was big, but not cumbersome, and capable of doing all the power moves that Flair loved to sell. This is the middle contest of a trilogy and probably the most famous although all three matches are great. The last one took place at the Jim Crockett Senior Memorial Cup in 1987 with Flair finally scoring the win. In those three matches Flair made Windham into a commodity. If you followed Windham’s career he never quite lived up to the reputation that Flair gave him, but that was the brilliance of Flair; he’d make you look absolutely outstanding, as good as you wanted to look.

Flair described wrestling Windham as like, “putting on a glove”. Their chemistry is immediately evident and Windham clearly wants to follow Flair’s formula to a tee as he knows it’ll get him over. Flair knows Windham doesn’t need to rest like a lot of his opponents so they keep the work busy. Flair takes the interesting tactic of working Windham’s arm rather than the leg, and his work makes me feel exhausted because it’s unrelenting. As if he is testing Barry out to see if he can keep up with selling the arm, and then taking a load of chops in the corner. And Barry comes firing back, proving to the audience and Flair that’s got the stamina to work a forty-five-minute match without taking a break. Flair goes toe-to-toe with Barry for some of the match, but is very deliberate about cheating whenever he can to make sure it’s Windham who the crowd cheer for their combined hard work.

What’s really scary about the workrate in this match is that fifteen entire minutes are lost to commercial breaks. Maybe they knew when the adverts were and simply went to an energy conserving chinlock but it doesn’t look like it. When they get gassed Windham gets grounded with the figure four, turning what’s essentially a rest hold into a dramatic near finish. Barry knows how to mount his comebacks and times some wonderfully dramatic near falls of his own. It shows what great wrestlers they both are that the much larger Windham can generate sympathy and Flair keeps himself firmly heel throughout. Even after the protracted figure four spot, Windham still goes nuts with the offence and near misses off the ropes. They could easily have put the match in the cooler for a good-sized chunk of the contest, but they don’t, they just keep working hard for every minute. It puts some wrestlers to shame. The kind who like to reference 80s wrestling as a time when it was acceptable to wrestle slower, more deliberately paced matches to get the tension of a slow burn. This is a slow burn, a forty-five-minute match with very little resting and constant effort.

Before re-watching these Flair-Windham matches it’s easy to forget why they’re so outstanding, but it doesn’t take a long time to rediscover why. People just don’t have matches this long where it’s constant action and drama. It doesn’t happen. Unless you’re Flair and Windham. Compare this match to the snail’s pace of Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels’ technically excellent WrestleMania XII match. Flair and Windham go most of the way to an hour and do so at breakneck pace. The exhaustion selling towards the end feels completely legitimate, and when Flair flips onto the apron to do his high crossbody after forty-two-minutes it’s a wonderful moment to see he’s still got something in the tank despite the ridiculous effort levels. And it keeps on going. Flair ends up bleeding after forty-four-minutes, just for the sheer hell of it. From there they go into a ridiculous near falls sequence with the time limit on the verge of expiring. As Windham pops up when the bell is rung he still looks fresh. I’m willing to bet they could have gone the hour. One of the best matches of the 80s, one of three classic Flair-Windham matches. All three are awesome, must-see viewing.
Final Rating: *****

 

Two Out of Three Falls Match
NWA World Heavyweight Championship
Ricky Steamboat (c) vs. Ric Flair
[NWA Clash of the Champions VI – 04.02.89]
Flair and Steamboat had been working together for thirteen years on and off by this point. Flair approximates they’d wrestled three thousand matches over the years. That might be an exaggeration, as he’d claim one thousand matches against Sting too, but they certainly spent a lot of time working each other until they were both on the top of their game, then had the greatest matches of all time. This is part two. Part one was at the Chi-Town Rumble in February. It was an instant ***** classic and literally one of the best matches, ever. They went from there to wrestling around the horn, doing matches all over the country. Many of them classic matches too. This is the re-match with two-out-of-three falls stipulation, in order to ensure that nobody gets a lucky pin. This should be definitive, but they have a third match to come too at the WrestleWar ’89 PPV in Nashville in May. They’re all great matches and it’s very difficult to pick one of them to be considered “the best”. What is intriguing is that any of the three you pick could arguably be considered the best wrestling match of all time. The truly amazing thing about the feud is not that it produced three ***** matches in a matter of months, but that they didn’t exactly tone it down on the house shows. A taped card from Landover, Maryland features a Steamboat-Flair bout which is just as great.

It’s tough to live up to this sort of reputation. I first saw this match a few years after it took place and was surprised at how fast-paced it was considering the near hour-long run-time. Even when they hit the deck in what would normally be considered rest holds they’re not down there for long as Flair is constantly looking to cheat, and grab the hair or the tights to gain an advantage. Flair has certain crutches that he utilises but Steamboat won’t let him run too many of them or for too long. So when Flair starts begging off Steamboat won’t give him the breather, feeling neither of them need it, instead controlling the pace himself with a headlock. It’s very rare for a babyface to set the pace but Steamboat was so good at everything it’s hard to argue with his logic. The match is incredibly intense, with the pair whaling away with chops like their lives depend on it. You can tell it’s intense because Terry Funk goes nuts on commentary. “Gosh durnit Jim (Ross)!” It’s not just the intensity, the hard work or the story, but the believability of everything is brilliant. They don’t give each other nonsensical space, they constantly try for pinfalls, and they just refuse to do anything that doesn’t lead directly to the win. The first fall sees Steamboat counter the figure four set up only for Flair to block the pin and score his own. 1-0 Flair.

There’s one mistake in this match and it’s one that I can understand the existence of. Flair goes after a knee drop, with his right knee, injures it, and Steamboat starts working the knee. The left knee. It’s excusable as wrestlers generally work the left, unless you’re Mexican, and it was better to go for the more consistent left leg than start on the right and get it wrong later in the contest. Plus the left was exposed while Flair was holding the right knee after the kneedrop. Either way Steamboat just wears Flair down, not panicking or even causing the crowd to have kittens, knowing he’s controlled the match and got unlucky on the first fall. Steamboat can match Flair at his strengths (the chops, the submissions) so Flair’s only natural advantage is his tendency to cheat. Flair’s insistence at using amateur stretches to get near falls creates the largest number of near falls ever recorded in a match, that I know of. JR and Funk do a masterful job on commentary, selling the way the match is structured, how painful all the holds are, and Ross pointing out that under the “Louisiana Rule” if this goes to a time limit then Flair wins the title by virtue of being ahead in a two-out-of-three falls contest. That would be courtesy of the Louisiana State Athletic Commission. Steamboat works Flair’s knee and back over for the entire second fall, resulting in Flair giving up to the chicken-wing. 1-1.

Going into the final fall there’s still twenty minutes to go and both men look drained, pouring sweat all over the ring. Flair’s cumulative injuries are greater than Steamboat’s so he makes a point of going after Steamboat’s knee in the final fall. It is as if they’ve merely been working towards the actual match for the first thirty-five minutes, and now Flair means business. As often happens with Flair matches he’s happy to wait for Steamboat to make a mistake, and when Ricky catches his knee on the top rope that knee gets destroyed again. The whole final fall is loaded with epic moments like Steamboat surviving in a blistering figure four and Ricky scoring a near fall with his high crossbody, after struggling up the ropes on one leg. The best selling is by referee Tommy Young. He’s fatigued too after trying to keep up with the wrestlers and every time someone is shot off the ropes he struggles to avoid them. It’s classic officiating. Not sure how much the wrestlers appreciated it, but it’s great to watch. Steamboat’s knee injury is so severe that he spends a lot of the third fall on the mat, hanging on, desperate for the time to expire, which would allow him to retain. With the hour approaching Flair gets overconfident and heads up top. Steamboat throws him off and gets the chicken-wing, but his knee collapses and they fall into a pile on the mat. Young counts Flair down. The controversy? Flair got his foot on the rope. The match is an epic and the finish, in what should have been a decisive contest, was enough cause for a rubber match.
Final Rating: *****

 

“I probably had a one-to-two hundred matches with Steamboat that were better than that one” – Ric Flair, when asked if he thought the Clash of the Champions VI match was the best he’d ever wrestled. Again, perhaps an exaggeration, but we will never know as so many classic Flair-Steamboat matches are lost due to the cameras not rolling at house shows.

 

NWA World Heavyweight Championship
Ricky Steamboat (c) vs. Ric Flair
[NWA WrestleWar ‘89 – 05.07.89]
In case this goes to a draw they’ve got three judges; Lou Thesz, Pat O’Connor and Terry Funk. All former NWA Champions. The latter is the only one who was still an active wrestler at the time. JR calls this “Flair’s last chance”, as if to say if he failed to win the belt here he’d never get another shot at it. There were definitely some in the NWA the previous year who felt that Flair was a relic who couldn’t take the company forward. This probably pissed Flair off, as he proceeded to have his best year in the business.

This match has less time to fill, which is vital to the effort levels they provide. It’s not the epic match that Clash VI is but the breakneck approach is more in line with the Windham matches. Like with Clash VI, Steamboat controls the pacing but this time it’s an armbar and those beautiful deep armdrags instead of the headlock. Another similarity with Clash VI is a combination of moves that aim for realism over showmanship. The mat grappling and stiff chops dominate the action. The chops are largely a wear-down process to push the other man’s cardio but Steamboat’s armbar is very deliberately designed to weaken the shoulder for the chicken-wing. With fifteen minutes elapsed the judges are asked for their verdict and they’ve got Steamboat ahead on points. Not sure how this would have panned out over an entire hour. Perhaps they’d have counted fifteen minute segments as rounds? Ross calls it 3-0 Steamboat in terms of voting.

The brawling in the match is so incredibly intense. There’s a foot chase around the ring and it feels genuine. Flair looks legitimately worried about what Steamboat is about to do to him. Later, Ricky takes some meaty bumps in the contest, throwing himself to the floor a few times. It gives the crowd the feeling that Steamboat is losing the match, demonstrated further when he crumples at Flair’s feet when attempting to attack him. The selling is exemplary. As with the Clash VI match, Flair goes for a lot of near falls, trying to force Steamboat’s shoulders down. It doesn’t have the same feeling of erosion that it did at Clash VI but it’s a nice call back. I also appreciate that Flair doesn’t stick with it because it didn’t work for him at Clash VI. The second round of voting is a split decision, Flair winning 2 to 1, with increased aggression and Steamboat struggling heavily. This means Steamboat is up 4-2 on the scorecards at this juncture. Not that they’ll come into play.

Steamboat takes Flair to the floor with a crossbody over the top and it’s one of the most perfect executions of the spot, ever. It’s a tough spot to do but difficulty didn’t seem to bother these guys. As Steamboat gives Flair a beating the crowd goes absolutely nuts. They must sense they’re watching something special. Steamboat gets a superplex to set up the chicken-wing, but Flair is aware of the hold and gets into the ropes. Steamboat must be close to scoring a decisive win but while he’s up top, going after the high crossbody, Flair knocks the ropes and Steamboat tumbles to the floor. The way he bounces on the apron and stays down with a bad leg tells the full story. The figure four makes the finish feel inevitable. Flair positions it perfectly, placing himself between Steamboat and the ropes. It lacks the intensity of the Clash VI figure four (perhaps the most aggressive figure four Ric Flair ever hooked) and Ricky can slide it around and escape. Steamboat goes for a slam and his leg buckles, allowing Flair to drop on top for his sixth World Title.
Final Rating: *****

 

The WrestleWar match found its way onto the Triple H DVD, so it’s perhaps a little disappointing they opted to stick it on here instead of the Chi-Town Rumble match, which as of this release had not yet received the DVD treatment. I do understand the need to include this match though. It’s because of what happens afterwards: Flair turns himself face by praising Steamboat’s efforts, getting his hands raised by Ricky as he does, then in comes Terry Funk for a chat. He starts out by putting Flair over but soon turns it around into a title challenge. Funk had been away in Hollywood so Flair shoots him down, telling him to wrestle more frequently and get into the top ten contenders. Funk then outrages the fans by jumping Flair from behind and hitting a piledriver on the judge’s table to set up the next great Flair feud. Funk calling him a “horse-toothed, banana-nosed jerk” is sensational abuse. They wrestled at The Great American Bash (****½, and a seriously great PPV from top to bottom), but they had a more memorable match at Clash of the Champions IX.

 

I Quit Match
Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair
[NWA Clash of the Champions IX – 11.15.89]
Flair is still the NWA Champion, but there’s no title on the line here as Funk lost his title match at The Great American Bash. This is far more personal. One of these men is going to quit. That’s the only stipulation so both men do things that would normally be illegal such as chokes and closed fists. The feud was Funk’s first North American run since leaving the WWF in May 1986. He’d been out in Hollywood trying to make a go of the movies but had been left disappointed, only appearing in Over the Top, opposite Sylvester Stallone, and Road House. His anger at the system is apparent and he takes it out on the ultimate establishment figure; the NWA World Champion. Funk’s anger gives the series with Flair a different feeling to any of Flair’s other big matches during the 80s. Given Funk’s longevity it’s a pity WCW didn’t want him as a featured wrestler, and preferred him to work as an announcer. After seeing the Flair matches it’s hard to imagine why they felt that way. Not that WCW made a lot of logical decisions.

Funk’s tactic throughout is to go after Flair’s neck, the same one he injured with a piledriver after the WrestleWar match. The implication being that if Flair doesn’t quit Funk will break his neck. This is followed by a piledriver in the ring and another on the floor, making it clear Funk is willing to follow through on his threats. Flair’s attacks on Funk are crazy intense too, as he sells the importance of getting a measure of revenge on Terry. Flair’s riposte is to work over Funk’s leg to prepare for the figure four. Flair has an unorthodox way to stop Funk from running away in the match; he jumps on his back. Funk lands face-first into the rail on one occasion with Flair on his back. Funk gets out-worked by Flair with chops, counters, and eventually the figure four leaves him completely incapacitated. “MAH LEG, MAH LEG IS BREAKIN’. YES, YES, I QUIT” – Funk. This was over the top intense, perhaps to a level beyond what Flair had been doing with Steamboat, which says something. The only real disappointment is they didn’t do a table spot to follow on from the one at WrestleWar. They teased it, but it felt like it should have been a logical part of the match. Regardless, it’s a classic, one of Funk’s best matches and yet another winner for Flair in 1989 where he was just about untouchable as a worker.
Final Rating: *****

 

Royal Rumble Match
[WWF Royal Rumble ‘92 – 01.19.92]
Flair jumped over from WCW after falling out with Jim Herd who knew nothing about wrestling but was running WCW. Flair was the champion and Herd wanted a new age Flair, coming up with the idea of cutting his hair and wearing a diamond earring. Flair refused and got his contract cancelled. Naitch wanted his $25,000 back, which he had paid as a deposit on the title belt, but Herd refused so Flair jumped to the WWF and told the belt with him. He paraded the NWA Title around on WWF TV, proclaiming himself to be the “real World’s Champion”. WCW threw a fit and sued, so the WWF had to pixelate the belt on TV. After a couple of screwy title changes involving Hulk Hogan and The Undertaker the WWF Title became vacant and the winner of the Rumble match would be the new champion. It’s a famous Rumble and with good reason. It’s one of the most star-studded in history with Flair, Roddy Piper, Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ted DiBiase, Jake Roberts, Kerry von Erich, Davey Boy Smith, Shawn Michaels, Sid Justice and The Undertaker all involved. It’s also one of the all-time great commentating performances from Heenan, who absolutely loses his mind when Flair enters at #3. He praises just about anyone who helps Flair, and immediately turns on anyone who hinders him on his hour-long journey to the gold.

Normally when recapping these Rumble events I’ll break down who’s coming in at what number but there’s no point with 1992 because it’s all about Flair. This is the one WWF environment where he’d be able to put in an hour long shift. Their normal main event matches went twenty minutes at the most. Flair’s WrestleMania match with Randy Savage only went eighteen minutes. It was not fair to Flair. They scatter a few workrate guys in at the start to keep the pacing strong. Flair joined by Shawn Michaels, Tito Santana and Kerry von Erich before a third of the match is complete. Michaels is a rarity in the match as he’s one of the few guys who actually competes with Flair for stealing the show. Mainly because he can do the near-elimination tease and silly bumps. It’s almost a game of one-upmanship between the young punk and the old veteran.

As the match progresses more and more of the new entrants go after Flair, seeking to draw attention to themselves and to the storyline. Flair is a genius of cheating, which helps escape some tight spots. At one point he rakes Greg Valentine’s eyes and mule kicks Repo Man in the groin in one smooth motion. You have to be aware of your surroundings. At one point The Barbarian looks to have Flair eliminated, but Hercules dumps Barbarian and falls out too, leaving Flair one-on-one with The Big Bossman. The sign of a good Rumble is usually the ring getting nicely cleared out every once in a while. When Bossman goes it leaves Flair alone in the ring. Just so we’re clear what the story is. The next man in is Roddy Piper, who Flair had feuded with since arriving in the WWF. Most of Flair’s house show shots were with Piper or Hogan. The latter for them to try and figure a dream match out, one the WWF never got around to. The Piper program was the TV feud; the outsider against the WWF guy.

“You no good jerk. You skirt wearin’ freak” – Heenan. The middle portion of the Rumble is pretty star-studded. Jake Roberts, Jim Duggan, Jimmy Snuka and The Undertaker all appear between numbers fifteen and twenty. Only Snuka was past his best, looking like some sort of Hawaiian zombie on crack. Taker and Hogan got “preferential draws” to reflect their title contention, which meant they were guaranteed a late number. Randy Savage is at #21 and it’s the one part of the match that isn’t about Flair, because he’s feuding with Jake Roberts and is desperate to get at him. Savage is so determined to get at Jake that he knees the Snake out and jumps over the top to continue the beating. It makes sense as that’s how Savage normally exited the ring, but for some ungodly, nonsensical reason Savage is allowed to continue in the match. Does nobody care about the rules?

The final ten places sees the ring clog up a bit too much with the likes of Virgil, IRS and The Berzerker hanging around. It’s not until Hulk Hogan comes in at #26 that business picks up again and the ring starts to clear out for the conclusion. It’s as if they were waiting for him. With Hogan’s arrival everyone hits their A-Game again, with Heenan promising ridiculous things (“I’ll never insult anyone ever again. I’ll be a nice person”) should Flair win. Hogan gets shot of Taker to “win” that feud, and some of the jobbers get emptied out. As we head toward the end a few more big names join in; Sgt. Slaughter and Sid Justice. The Warlord bizarrely gets #30. Flair scores himself the longevity record by surpassing the fifty-two minutes set by Rick Martel.

Final Four: Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Sid Justice and Randy Savage. Probably the strongest final four in the history of the Rumble match. Literally any of them could potentially have won (with Hogan-Sid and Flair-Savage being the two headline matches at WrestleMania VIII). Savage is quietly dumped first. As Hogan and Flair go at it, the suggestion in the booking is they’ll contest the belt, but big Sid has different ideas and dumps Hogan, drawing a big pop. Hulk, despite losing clean, gets upset and hauls Sid out thus handing the title to Flair. Best Rumble ever? Almost certainly. It’s definitely the one that set the bar in terms of what was expected of the match, and that was based entirely on Flair’s performance.
Final Rating: *****

 

WCW World Heavyweight Championship
WCW International Heavyweight Championship
Ric Flair (c) vs. Sting (c)
[WCW Clash of the Champions XXVII – 06.23.94]
It’s perhaps a little peculiar they don’t select the Flair-Sting match from Clash of the Champions I, the match that made Sting in WCW. Although footage of that does air on the disc to hype this match. Flair went back to WCW and took the WCW Title off Vader. The other title, the International Championship, also has the lineage of the NWA Title. Only WCW left the NWA in 1993 so Flair, champion at the time, had his title renamed. It’s really confusing and probably requires some sort of diagram. Here’s the timeline to try and explain:

 January 1991: WCW had been, up to this point, promoting an NWA world champion. In January they started referring to Ric Flair as the “WCW Champion”, essentially creating a secondary name for the existing NWA belt. In reality they were two separate titles represented by the same belt. At the time Flair was NWA and WCW World Champion.

 July 1991: Ric Flair leaves WCW with their World Title. He’s recognised as World Champion by both WCW and the NWA. At the time WCW and the NWA were synonymous with each other, but the NWA was in fact a separate entity. While WCW immediately stripped Flair of their World Title the NWA continued to recognise Flair as the champion. WCW crowned a new champion when Lex Luger beat Barry Windham at The Great American Bash ’91. Luger was WCW champion. Flair was still NWA champion.

 September 1991: With it becoming apparent that Flair wasn’t going to represent the NWA while competing for the WWF, who had left the NWA in the 60s, the ‘Nature Boy’ was stripped of the NWA Title too.

 September 1991-August 1992. The NWA World Title was officially vacant with no major home promotion for it.

 August 1992. The NWA title is won by Masahiro Chono, as the NWA tried to establish stronger ties with New Japan Pro Wrestling, aware that WCW wasn’t working toward their best interests. The belt goes from Masahiro Chono to The Great Muta to Barry Windham, and WCW get the title back on one of their guys.

 July 1993. Smaller NWA affiliates start pressing for the NWA to get the champion to wrestle for them too. Ric Flair, back from his WWF stint, wins the title.

 September 1993. WCW leaves the NWA. Flair is stripped of the NWA Title for the second time in three years. WCW still has the belt so renames it the WCW International Championship. Flair loses the belt to Rick Rude, who in turn loses it to Sting. Because of a screwy finish the belt is held up and Sting officially wins it by beating Vader in May 1994.

 June 1994. WCW unifies their two ‘World’ Titles.

 August 1994. After WCW unified their two championships the NWA Title finally found a new home, in ECW, where Shane Douglas won it in a tournament. Only Paul Heyman double-crossed the NWA and had Douglas throw the belt down, turning ECW into a nationally recognised promotion and the NWA into a joke.

After a tumultuous and pointless year for the belts, this match would unify the two titles. Flair won this title as a face but turned heel due to the signing of Hulk Hogan. There wasn’t room for two top babyfaces apparently, especially with Sting hanging around too. This match isn’t a patch on the original Clash contest, but Flair is far from done as a top guy, which some were again suggesting. He remained a top level talent through 1995 and even had some decent programs in 1996 with Randy Savage and Eddie Guerrero. So while this is a lesser Flair-Sting match it’s still good. However, the first Clash match is pushing ***** and is probably the best match of Sting’s entire career.

One thing that constantly cost Sting over the course of his career was how incredibly gullible he was. His character was booked to be trusting and he constantly sided with guys who you knew were going to turn on him. Hell, Flair has turned on Sting. Who in their right mind would trust Ric Flair? The Dirtiest Player in the Game! Here Sting’s manager is Sensational Sherri. The same woman who tended to manage heels (Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels). You’d think Sting might put two and two together. The match itself is a microcosm of the Flair-Sting match. The trademark moves are there and there’s plenty of energy. Flair naturally uses Sherri to sabotage Sting’s bid, throwing her in the way of a splash on the rail. Flair rolls Sting up while he’s checking on Sherri, grabs a big handful of tights and unifies the belts. This went eighteen minutes but felt as if they were waiting for the booking to kick in. Speaking of which Sherri she hugs it out with Flair after the match and they give Sting a kicking. Hogan runs down for the save thus setting up a match that isn’t on this DVD. It makes the inclusion of this match all the more mystifying. I guess they felt they had to include a Sting match and didn’t have room for the Clash bout because it was longer. Or perhaps they thought it was too similar to the Windham match.
Final Rating: ***¼

 

The DVD set ends with Flair getting a surprise night of appreciation in Greenville, South Carolina after an episode of RAW had gone off the air. Naitch had headlined the show against Triple H for the World Title, come up short, and wasn’t expecting what followed. He talks emotionally about the experience and we get clips from the night in question.

 

Summary: It’s hard to put into words how great Ric Flair really is. It’s true he had some wonderful opponents, but even when he didn’t he was still Ric Flair. There are not many like him now, or ever. The amazing this DVD set is that it contains five ***** matches, yet it barely even skims the surface of his career. The matches he had in Japan and the territories include a plethora of outstanding bouts. Even on the material WWE has access to there’s easily enough for a second set featuring the other two ***** matches with Barry Windham, the first Clash of the Champions match with Sting, the Lex Luger match from Starrcade ‘88 (probably Luger’s best singles match), at least one other Ricky Steamboat match (either Chi-Town Rumble, the still excellent 1994 match at Spring Stampede, or the largely forgotten TV match from ‘94), the other Terry Funk match from 1989, forgotten classics with Brian Pillman and the Rock ‘N’ Roll Express, the Randy Savage feud in the WWF, the Mr. Perfect farewell match from RAW, the WCW Title match with Vader at Starrcade ‘93, and the steel cage match with Hulk Hogan match from Halloween Havoc ‘94. So while this DVD set is great and I’m glad it’s out there, the potential to release a ridiculous six or seven disc career-defining DVD set that was nothing but ***** bouts was there. Even with six hours of footage, this offering hardly does Flair justice. Despite that, it remains absolutely essential viewing of course. You must see at least one Flair-Steamboat match to call yourself a true wrestling fan, and preferably the matches with Windham too. The highest recommendation for this.
Verdict: 100

#WWE56547 – Bloodbath – Most Incredible Steel Cage Matches

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Lee Maughan: Hosted by Jonathan Coachman. Oh, brilliant. He patronisingly explains what a cage is, before declaring that the only ways to win a cage match are to climb out over the top or go through the door, rules which will be contradicted with staggering regularity over the course of this DVD. “No one knows exactly when steel cage matches first appeared,” he adds, because apparently nobody on WWE’s production staff could be bothered to do any actual research. Houston promoter Paul Boesch is generally credited with inventing the concept, while Freddie Blassie came up with the idea of “escape the cage” rules for use in his blowoff matches against the likes John Tolos and The Sheik at the Grand Olympic Auditorium in Mike LeBell’s Los Angeles-based promotion in the late 1960s. There is, however, evidence of a match in Atlanta on June 25, 1937 between Jack Bloomfield and Count Pietro Rossi which saw the ring encased with chicken wire.

 

Gerald “Overstatement” Brisco kicks things off by saying, “I still think it’s the most violent form of sports entertainment today”, suggesting that he’s yet to dig into his pile of CZW Tournament of Death DVDs. “You know somebody’s gonna get busted open out there,” he adds, which wasn’t always the case in WWF/WWE cage matches, and certainly not after the promotion went PG in 2008. Howard Finkel recounts that, “Cage matches in the early days were designed to settle a feud, and to settle the score once and for all,” which became a notion tragically lost on WWE once they started running themed pay-per-view events headlined by Hell in a Cell and Elimination Chamber matches, gimmicks that far too often needed matches finding for them rather than WWE building matches that necessitated those gimmicks. Jerry Lawler thinks cage matches are special because they’re, “the ultimate confrontation. There’s two opponents with no way out,” which would be fine if not for the fact many of the WWF/WWE’s cage matches over the years were built around the idea of escapology. “It’s supposed to be as violent as you can possibly get,” chips in Spike Dudley, whose tone makes it sounds like he’s already lamenting that PG course change, even though it’s still a good five years away as he records this, while Tommy Dreamer talks about the danger of actually being inside a cage, noting how easily you can get cut on the steel and how little give there is to it. Brisco rounds things out by suggesting that cage matches have become more technical, which is another way of saying WWE have really pussied out over the years.

 

The action kicks off in 1979 at Madison Square Garden, more than forty years after that aforementioned Bloomfield-Rossi bout, with Bob Backlund defending his WWF Championship against Pat Patterson. Brisco puts his Stooges colleague over as an innovator who was one of the first guys who actually incorporated the use of the cage into his ring style, even dropping a knee off it at one point. The following year would see the legendary Showdown at Shea battle between Bruno Sammartino and Larry Zbyszko that Zbyszko built an entire career on, but just a scant few clips are shown. That’s followed by Backlund’s WWF title defence against ‘Superfly’ Jimmy Snuka, which Coachman claims took place “two weeks” after the August 9th Sammartino-Zbyszko clash, but the on-screen graphic lists it as May 19th, 1980, some three months prior to the Shea Stadium card. That’s some truly awful quality control, especially considering the match actually took place almost two years later, on June 28, 1982. Backlund wins it, but the bout is notable for being the first time Snuka did the Superfly Splash off the top of the cage, which he missed when Backlund rolled out of harm’s way.

 

Keeping with Snuka, it’s onto his more famous cage match with Don Muraco next, an event for which Mick Foley, Bubba Ray Dudley and Tommy Dreamer were all in attendance. The way this has been presented on WWE television over the years, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Snuka actually won the bout (he didn’t) and that it was some kind of all-time classic (it wasn’t). This time, he actually hits his foe with the Superfly Splash off the top of the cage, a spot which would be played to death over the next thirty years as a legendary moment (it was). Snuka would later jump off the top of the cage again, onto Jeff Jarrett on the January 10, 2000 edition of WCW Nitro, although that isn’t mentioned here. And speaking of WCW, we move over to Jim Crockett Promotions and the famous “I Quit” cage match at Starrcade ‘85 between Tully Blanchard and Magnum T.A., complete with rare footage of Blanchard winning the United States title from Magnum to set it all up. Magnum sticks a splint in Blanchard’s eye to get him to quit, and then it’s onto something completely different as “perhaps the largest audience to date” tunes in to Saturday Night’s Main Event for the climbing contest between Hulk Hogan and Paul Orndorff. Famously they hit the floor at the same time, resulting in the match continuing and Hogan winning, a finish that was designed to keep Orndorff strong enough to challenge Hogan for the title again at WrestleMania III had Andre the Giant been unable to perform. As vague as Coachman’s line about the viewership of the show was, in terms of ratings, the 10.6 the match drew was the highest in Saturday Night’s Main Event history to that point, although it was actually bettered with the 20-man battle royal on the very next episode in March 1987, which pulled an incredible 11.6 rating, the highest number for any show in the 11:30pm Saturday night timeslot on NBC, beating out any episode of Saturday Night Live you could care to mention.

 

Back to the NWA next for a potted history of Ric Flair’s World Title cage matches, as he beats Harley Race to win his second title at the first Starrcade in November 1983, loses it to Dusty Rhodes on The Great American Bash tour in July 1986 (intermittent title switches between those dates are not mentioned), unexpectedly loses it to unfancied contender Ronnie Garvin at a house show in Detroit in September 1987, then takes it back from Garvin at Starrcade two months later. Things then zip ahead about seven years, and it’s all WWF/WWE footage from here on in, at least as far as the documentary goes, beginning with the brother vs. brother battle between Bret Hart and Owen Hart at SummerSlam ‘94. Sticking with Bret, it’s onto the dark days of 1995 where, according to Coachman, “Sports entertainment was going through a revolution.” Not quite. Anyway, Lawler returns to recount the story of Hart’s RAW cage match with evil dentist Isaac Yankem, DDS., namely his getting placed in a shark cage and hung above the ring, leading to him getting a nose bleed. The secret to it was that Lawler suffered a broken nose years earlier, leaving him with a deviated septum that occasionally scabbed up and which he could make bleed on command. Lovely.

 

Having covered enough silliness with the last segment, it’s on to the full circle of the Mankind vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley SummerSlam ‘97 match next, and Foley coming off the top of the cage with a picture perfect Superfly Splash in tribute to his idol Snuka. Actually, he couldn’t stomach going all the way to the top and came down like a sack of crap being unwillingly shoved off a piece of scaffolding, but it’s the thought that counts. Coachman claims the bout “made” Triple H, and that leads into his lesser-seen WWF title defence against The Rock at the UK-only Rebellion pay-per-view in October 1999. They actually do a Dusty finish of sorts here, with Rock getting out of the cage first but only after the referee has gone down, leading to The British Bulldog coming out and beating both guys up. Rock gets the door slammed in his head by Chyna, and the resulting confusion allows Triple H to escape with the title. There’s some really weird audio issues on the footage here for some reason, but there’s no time for that as we end the 90s with the Steve Austin vs. Mr. McMahon collision from St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, complete with the hilarious show-opening promo package, McMahon’s insane bump through the Spanish announce table off the side of the cage, and the debut of the former Giant and future Big Show, Paul Wight.

 

The documentary wraps up in the new millennium, beginning with The Hardy Boyz finally winning the WWF Tag Team titles from Edge and Christian at Unforgiven in September 2000 after spending most of the year chasing them. Next it’s the June 11, 2001 cage match from RAW between Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, featuring Angle’s truly insane missed moonsault from the top of the cage, as well as Benoit blasting Angle with nine rolling German suplexes and a ridiculous diving headbutt off the top of the cage. Why yes, Benoit did need emergency surgery on his neck that kept on the shelf for an entire year not long after this bout took place, why do you ask? The match is also the third time on this DVD (after the Mankind-Helmsley and Triple H-Rock matches) where the cage door gets slammed in somebody’s head, in this case Benoit’s. Finally to the May 28, 2002 television taping, where Edge defeated Angle in what was actually their fourth caged collision that year (including house shows). “Edge and Kurt Angle in a steel cage match to remember!” declares Coachman of a bout mostly forgotten thanks to its placement on a throwaway episode of SmackDown!.

 

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Backlash 2017

WATCH NOW (ON WWE NETWORK)

 

Arnold Furious: We’re in Chicago, Illinois. Hosts are Ragin’ Tom Philips, JBL and Byron Saxton. As if Philips has just dropped into Mauro’s spot, trying to do the same calls but looking more photogenic.

 

Dolph Ziggler vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
It’s astonishing to me how WWE have managed to cool off someone as naturally entertaining as Nakamura. Although I’m willing to admit that Nakamura sometimes doesn’t help his own cause by sleepwalking through perceived unimportant matches. This isn’t just any old match though, it’s his main roster debut and cast your mind back to his NXT debut when he and Sami Zayn tore the house down.

Not only that Ziggler needs to remind people why he was once rated at the world title level. Nakamura’s personality oozes forth and the crowd seem, at least temporarily, enchanted. The match takes a while to warm up, which is possibly the guys seeing if they can get responses without doing anything. It’s usually worthwhile to do a temp check on the crowd by starting slowly.

When it does get a bit frisky they go into big spots with kick-outs. Nakamura looks solid but he doesn’t share the chemistry with Dolph that he had with Sami Zayn. Nakamura’s theatrics occasionally look strange, even for him and especially when he’s selling. He’s far more entertaining on offence where his strangeness and odd angles of approach make more sense. Ziggler eats Kinshasa and Shinsuke picks up a debut win. This wasn’t a patch on Nakamura-Zayn, partially due to the crowd being less hyped up and partially because the match wasn’t as good.
Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Video Control gives us a flashback to Smackdown Live where Breezango continued their investigations into fashion faux-pas. The Fashion Files is the best ‘WWE style’ series of skits WWE have done in some time. It helps that Fandango plays an excellent moron and both of them are tremendous at their jobs.
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#WWE55875 – Trish Stratus – 100% Stratusfaction Guaranteed

James Dixon: This DVD is a fairly famous one amongst die-hard collectors. Not so much the standard release which is relatively easy to come by, but the FYE-exclusive collector’s edition, which fetches upwards of $200 these days, and even more if complete with the quirky Trish Stratus bobble-head that came with it. The rare version comes complete with additional extras, including a pair of matches against Victoria on RAW, a segment with the APA from Heat, and a countdown of Trish’s top ten most “Stratusfying” moments. Suffice to say, we did not shell out $200 for the privilege, nor do we suggest you do either.

 

WWE has a set format for biographical releases like this one, and sticks rigidly to it from the off with talk of Trish growing up. Rather expectedly, she had a generic, unspectacular childhood, though apparently she was an insomniac when she was a youngster. We meet her sister, about whom Trish comments, “She’s younger than me. She’s still useable”. Wait a minute, what!? Trish talks about watching wrestling when she was a kid at Maple Leaf Gardens, and being a fan of Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan. Her cousin Jason perhaps lets on a little too much, saying he used to “wrestle” Trish in his bedroom. Canada, eh? We see some of Trish’s early modelling shots, and she visits Musclemag, the publication that gave her a break. She hooks up with Bob Kennedy, the founder of the magazine, and the man who gave her the opportunity in the first place. “Do you remember the magic?” he asks, as again my mind wanders to inappropriate places. Trish hilariously tries to tie in the anatomy and kinesiology courses that she studied at college with modelling, claiming she looked at herself as a science experiment. I have heard some left-field justifications in my time, but that one is a stonker. Kennedy reveals that Trish’s first cover was banned in Japan for being too revealing, before adding, “She was the Arnold Schwarzenegger of the modelling world.” I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean. Kennedy appears to remember every single shoot with Trish, and he has the magazine covers she featured on plastered on every wall around the office. Geez, obsessed much?

 

Carl DeMarco turns up as a talking head and reveals how he used to jerk off over Trish’s Musclemag covers (these may not have been his exact words, but it was inferred), and we see footage of him on a talk show with Trish, where the presenter first brought up the idea of her getting into the wrasslin’ business. On the spot, she pitches an interest in a potential WWF role, and the ball starts rolling. Soon afterwards Trish was invited backstage at a WWF show, where Mick Foley asked for her signed picture to put on the wall of his gym… for, ahem, personal reasons. Trish marked out over it, because she was still a big wrestling fan. Almost immediately the WWF offered her a contract, causing the green with envy WCW to do the same. “My heart was always with the WWF,” says Trish. No kidding; WCW was a disaster in 1998.

 

We meet trainer Ron Hutchinson, who didn’t understand why Trish wanted to wrestle and throw herself around the ring, because she was so beautiful and successful. Trish says she had no problem with getting down and dirty on the mat, and I believe her. Her dedication to her craft and desire to improve is commendable. We get some amusing pictures of Trish with a bleached blonde Test, then stories about her telling the guys to lay in harder on her. I am sure they didn’t mind. About Trish’s almost instant success, her two female cousins say, “It was basically a wow factor, we couldn’t believe it”, with a tiny (read: blatant) hint of jealousy. Jason seems proud. Well sure, he can claim he “trained” her. We see Trish’s debut on Heat, of all things, which involved her walking down the aisle and pouting while watching a Test vs. Gangrel match. That match made me pout too. We get a little back story about how Trish was thrust onto TV with little warning, so she had to rush around NYC with Lillian Garcia to do some shopping for outfits. You know, the important things. Her look, with the jacket and cowboy hat was all decided on the day. Revelatory!

 

I wondered how long it would take: here is the Brooklyn fucking Brawler to chime in with his dumbass, irrelevant views. “She was the porcelain on the plate.” Yeah, that’s nonsense. Absolute nonsense. If Brawler ever offered anything of note whatsoever on these releases I could understand the frequency with which he is used on them, but every single thing he says is inane! Trish does her first promo introducing T&A, which isn’t that bad, but she admits to being super nervous and cringes when she watches it back. Jerry Lawler told her afterwards that she was a deer in the headlights. Yeah, like he was paying attention to anything she was saying. To the Dudleys-Trish storyline, which was a pretty good one. We see the soft-core porn video that Trish did with a load of tables, during which Trish says, “The most important part of any table is its legs,” and “The more you rub it, the better the wood starts to look. They just have to be… hard” Oh, come on! Bubba Ray Dudley reckons he earned respect for Trish at Backlash for kissing him when he was bloody, and for taking the tabling without complaint. Trish is proud of the latter too, because it was the first physical angle she did, and it proved to everyone that she was willing to put her body on the line for the cause.

 

We skip forward nearly a year, past Trish’s initial shitty attempts at wrestling, to her involvement with Vince McMahon. This was the start of an unsettling era where Vince would mack off with a different Diva seemingly every other week, fulfilling his perverse old man fantasies in a very public manner. We briefly see the excellent misconception angle with Triple H and Trish, where he shows her a hammerlock reversal and Stephanie McMahon walks in, then goes off on one because she thinks Hunter is ragging her from behind. That leads to Steph and Trish throwing various substances on each other, Steph eating shit, then a rather good match at No Way Out. More of Trish and Vince, with Trish giving him an oily massage, before getting humiliated by Vince and Steph on RAW with dirty, filthy, mop water. Horrible angle. Next time out, Trish begs for forgiveness and says she will do anything for Vince. Oh no, not this. For those who have never had the pleasure, Vince makes Trish get on her hands and knees and act like a dog, swaggering around the ring like a jackass while he does so. Thankfully, the part where she barks is omitted. Trish tries to defend the segment, but there is no reasoning that I can ever find acceptable. It was Vince at his misogynistic worst. Trish claims the payoff of her slapping McMahon at WrestleMania X-7 makes it worthwhile, but I don’t buy it. For anyone who ever wondered why WWE doesn’t treat its women performers seriously, look no further than this angle. This was Vince’s mindset when he was not caged by PG, and he has become far more senile since.

 

We go back in time a year to a Divas shoot in the Dominican Republic. Ivory offers backhanded compliments, “She was so good… at doing the photo shoot thing.” Stacy Keibler thinks Trish has the “sexiest sexy face ever,” and knows how to work a pose better than all of them. Well, she was a model. Not to mention that her competition was at one time Terri Runnels, Ivory, Molly Holly and Jazz. I could look sexy amongst that line-up. Cue lots of suggestive, highly sexual poses in the sun, with plenty of gratuitous shots of Trish’s tits and ass set to low-rent porno music. “She always approaches her work with some pre-thought. She always thinks about the kids.” Take a seat, Ivory, you take Brawler’s crown as the person who has talked the most shit on this release.

 

Back to the future now with Survivor Series 2001, and ten second highlights of Trish’s title win. We immediately backtrack three months to Trish getting injured, and co-hosting short lived live call-in show Excess with Coach, which he thinks took her game to another level. Okay. In keeping with the scatterbrained approach to the timelines, Trish and others put over the arrival in the WWF of Finlay, who did a lot of good work improving the otherwise drastic women’s division, turning (some of) them into real wrestlers rather than mere eye-candy. We see some footage of the girls working out in the ring before shows with Fit, and that’s the extent of his involvement on this disc.

 

Trish claims Chyna left the WWF and took the Women’s Title with her, which isn’t exactly true. WWE simply didn’t care enough about the belt due to the glut of championships in the company at the time due to the Invasion. We return to the six-women match at Survivor Series, which Molly claims was a great contest that the fans were really into. Lee Maughan scored it *½ in The Complete WWF Video Guide Volume V, so “great” is perhaps pushing it just a tad. To Lita, who Trish describes as being “a worker”, which is good for a laugh. She wrestled, sure, but calling her a worker is a bit strong. We continue to bounce all over the place, going back to Trish’s first match, then forward again a few years to Jazz, one of her favourite opponents. They certainly had better matches than most. Trish and Molly feud, where Trish mocks Molly’s “big ass”. Their entire rivalry was based on Trish insulting poor Molly, which was WWE’s way of telling her to lose weight. She doesn’t have a big ass at all. It is very typical behaviour of WWE though. They did the same thing with Mickie “Piggy” James a few years later. Ever the company girl, Trish again has no problem with any of it. Next, Victoria nails Trish in the head with a chair on RAW, which was apparently a landmark moment, then the pair’s hardcore match at Survivor Series 2002. Oh man, none of the stuff on this release would be allowed nowadays. Sex? Chair shots to the head? Hardcore matches? Blood? Blatant bullying? The PG Era is a shitty time for WWE, but at least it signalled the end of this sort of thing.

 

Steve Austin makes a cameo, mocks Booker T’s catchphrase, and drinks a… Diet Pepsi!? Kayfabe shattered! He puts Trish over in his amusing Steve Austin way, then they spend three minutes talking absolute shit. It is the worst sort of forced small talk you will ever hear, though they do at least admit as much. We stop off at WrestleMania X8 at Toronto’s SkyDome. which again, is going backwards in time. Couldn’t they have at least tried to have something resembling a coherent timeline? It’s maddening. Mania was in Trish’s hometown, so it was special for her. “Seeing the reaction from those fans, that was history in the making,” says Carl DeMarco, about a throwaway match in the post-Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock dead spot. The reality is the match was heatless, and Trish lost. Nor was it any good.

 

The feature veers off into her work away from WWE, including an appearance on MadTV. She was cast as a stereotypical dumb blond. She isn’t one, but she did played the role pretty well. Not much to see here, really. Next, she does magazine covers, as we come full circle. So, all of this time in WWE has opened all these doors for her to… do what she was doing before she was in WWE. Next we get a lot of highlights from the Much Music Video Awards, Canada’s half-assed answer to MTV. Apparently there are lots of celebs around like… the singer from Disturbed, and Chris Jericho. Swell. To be quirky, it is held outside, which sounds like a swell idea because Canada is always so warm…

 

At RAW X, Trish won the Diva of the Decade award. It wasn’t political of course. At that time, it was hardly going to be Sable, Sunny or Chyna was it? After that, some marks cry when they meet Trish. These people. We wrap up with D-Von Dudley offering his opinion that every would-be Diva should follow Trish’s lead and put in the work that she did, which is about the most sensible thing anyone has said on this. That would be a great note to end on, but instead we have to suffer a final word of wisdom from the Brawler: “I think Trish has a tremendous future in this business.” She retired three years later.

 

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#WWE58267 – Brock Lesnar – Here Comes The Pain

Lee Maughan: Praise is lashed down on Brock Lesnar from the greats of the industry, such as Pat Patterson, Michael Hayes, Gerald Brisco and The Brooklyn Brawler… all the truest legends. Kurt Angle prophetically proffers the notion that Lesnar would be an ass-kicker in the Octagon as well as the WWE ring, and then it’s back home to Webster, South Dakota, where Brock goes to get a haircut from a singing barber. After the visual thrill ride that was watching Rey Mysterio get a tattoo on his DVD and now this, I have to wonder what’s next? Steve Austin goes to the dentist? Trish Stratus gets a pap smear?

 

Lesnar of course grew up on a backwoods farm, and was known as “Pork Chops” when he was born, a bouncing, barrel-headed baby who came out at nine pounds, nine ounces. From an early age, he was an aggressive, hard-working, outdoor kid who liked to sleep in the hay barn for fun. He was actually pretty skinny as a child, but discovered amateur wrestling around the age of five. Routinely unable to cut weight, his coach decided to go the opposite route and bulk him up, telling an amusing story about how when Brock worked on his farm, his wife would make one meal to share between the seven other workers, plus an entirely separate meal just for Brock. Brock admits that he had an attitude at the time and didn’t have many highlights, losing just as many matches as he won. He also admits that had he won a state championship, he likely would have stopped wrestling there and then, but feeling he had unfinished business to attend to, got focused and became a collegiate, heading to the University of Minnesota. There he made it all the way to the 2000 NCAA finals at 285 pounds, beating rival Wes Hand in double overtime. His mother still gets choked up thinking about it.

 

After winning the title, his passion for amateur wrestling ran dry and he was ready for something new. Perhaps that should have been a red light right there, given what was to come. He was recruited into the WWF by Brisco, and told Vince McMahon that he’d always wanted to entertain people. He began doing dark matches, whereupon Tazz pointed out to Paul Heyman that nobody was giving Brock any direction, so Heyman buzzed him with a few ideas and thus began their friendship. It’s been said that Lesnar has always responded well to coaching, and in wrestling, Heyman became his coach. The Hurricane stops by to put over Lesnar’s strength and speed, and this is the point where the documentary just devolves into the usual collection of ready-made pay-per-view promo packages that always seems to plague these things.

 

Disturbingly, Hayes celebrates the devastating unprotected chair shots that The Hardy Boyz gave Lesnar on RAW, then Bubba Ray Dudley declares, “Me and Brock had a little bit of a story,” before proceeding to say absolutely nothing of interest. Booker T rather less than cryptically recounts Lesnar “going into business for himself” (sort of) in a match they had, taking the initiative of throwing Booker around the ring rather than backing off in deference to the veteran. From there, Lesnar gets the rocket strapped to his back and beats Rob Van Dam to become King of the Ring. Hayes brings up past tournament winners Angle, Bret Hart and Triple H as clips of Owen Hart and Steve Austin also air, and calls the tournament a “great launching pad” for talent. Pedigree like that makes it all the more incomprehensible that WWE scrapped the entire concept immediately after Lesnar’s win, even if the buyrates for those shows were relatively anaemic. Hayes moves on to the Lesnar-Van Dam rematch at Vengeance 2002, Lesnar’s first main roster loss (by disqualification), which he claims made fans want to, “jump up and shit all over themselves”. Okay then.

 

A thoroughly inconsequential RAW bout with Tommy Dreamer is touched upon next whilst his SmackDown! victory over Hulk Hogan is laughably ignored, and then it’s on to Lesnar beating The Rock at SummerSlam to become the youngest-ever Undisputed WWE Champion, complete with a relevant, first-hand account from… erm, Bubba Ray. Nothing from Lesnar, nothing from Rock, but plenty of insider insight from a bloke who wasn’t even on the card that night. Next up is The Undertaker, who Heyman bizarrely calls “The Johnny Carson of the WWE,” in a sentence I’m still not sure I quite understand, whilst Brisco verbally backhands Rock, Hogan, Van Dam et al, by dubbing Undertaker as Lesnar’s “first real challenge.” Their first meeting at Unforgiven went to a lame double disqualification, but it did at least set up a gripping Hell in a Cell bout between them the next month at No Mercy, which Lesnar won.

 

With Lesnar having vanished from the production entirely as a talking head, it falls upon, who else, but referee Mike Chioda to talk us through Lesnar’s babyface turn and split from Heyman at Survivor Series. Clearly losing steam, it’s time for another round of talking heads all putting over Lesnar’s speed and strength, and then we skip Lesnar’s revenge over the Big Show and zip through his 2003 Royal Rumble win in order to get to yet another pile of promo clips for the Lesnar-Angle feud. Special attention is paid to their WrestleMania XIX main event, where Lesnar almost killed himself by undercooking a Shooting Star Press and landing square on his head. Defiant as ever, a severely concussed Lesnar refused to accept medical help after the bout.

 

More tiresome pay-per-view and TV promo clips follow, this time for Lesnar’s quick run with John Cena, and then it’s on to the renewal of the Big Show feud and their stretcher match. Show uses the whole thing as an excuse to talk about his own career, and given the lack of commentary from Lesnar himself, he might as well. On their Judgment Day bout, Show grandiosely claims that he, “didn’t care if he broke [his own] back,” he just wanted to steal the show. Well, that’s a tad extreme. One final round of talking heads from a bunch of midcard workers with no connection to Lesnar follows, and they all predict great things for him over the next handful of years. And boy, wouldn’t Dana White just reap the benefits of those “great things”?

 

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